People Approval

Hi.

My name is Ginny.

And I suffer from People Approval Addiction.

What is People Approval Addiction?

It's an emotionally disgusting disease that can affect a person so deeply at their core, that before they know it, they are literally sick at the thought of someone not liking them and/or approving of them.

...and that's me.

I've reached a situation this past weekend where I have learned that someone very, very close to me does not approve of my dating situation.  And honestly... it kills me.

Beacuse for years, I either didn't date or kept my dating life so completely private that it left people either guessing or feeling awkward to even ask.  And that's just how it was.

I lived alone, took care of my kids, spent time with the secret special someone on the weekends that I didn't have my kids and went about my life extremely independently.

And apparently, everyone was really cool with the fact that I was doing it all on my own.  Often feeling lonely and missing that piece of myself that can only be filled in by a significant other that loves me.

Now that I've openly begun dating someone from my past, a few people that are very close to me are openly  dissatisfied with my choice and putting me in a really, really tough spot.

And it really sucks, for the inner People Approval Addict that I am.

Several months ago, I came to terms with the fact that I deserve to be happy.  We all do.  Not knowing what would come in my future, I made peace with the past and decided to focus on the windshield, not the rearview mirror.

And life went on.

Then someone special appeared in my life, for whatever reason.  And we started hanging out and grew closer.  And the spark that existed several years ago came back... and it felt comfortable.

But in the meantime, I have external forces openly objecting... which leaves me feeling like maybe I don't deserve to be happy.

My rational mind tells me that I have to do what makes me happy.  And those that love and care for me will support me, regardless.  That no one lasts forever and we don't know how short our lives may be, so why live a life for anyone other than ourselves (and our children, obviously)?

Why throw in the towel and surrender to the outside forces that don't live with you and don't live in your heart.

And really.... aren't there worse things I could be doing than openly dating someone from my past?

There are two issues here:

1.) After I started being open about my new special someone, my son's dad decided that he wanted to be with me.  After all these years, he realizes how 'great' i am.

2.) He started telling everyone close to me how much he loves me.

The "given" reason for such disapproval of my situation is:

1.) The divorce is way too fresh... situation is just "not right".
2.) I act like I'm better than this person now that I'm dating him.
3.) Baby daddy loves me and my kids and is "trying".



So, he has several people (mind you, that are both close and not close to me) rallying for he and I to be together.  And if you know me well at all, you will probably know that I decided a long time ago that he and I are just not meant to be together. 

He's a great dad, I appreciate the love he shows our son (and even my daughter) however ... not where I need him to be from a life partner perspective.  And I honestly don't mean that badly.

But just because he loves me and my kids... doesn't mean I love him the same way.

Make any sense?

It's all so trivial, and I think that's what makes me so mad.

It's like high school.  You waited TEN YEARS to tell me how you feel and then I'm supposed to drop everything and run back to you, simply by default.

I don't think so.

There was a time in my life when I wanted to be with him.  Not necessarily because it was him specifically that I loved, but more because I just wanted a family for my kids.  Thankfully, it didn't work out that way.  As I grew up and matured, I realized that he is not what I'm looking for in a spouse.

It ticks me off because it's like, I've done it on my own for this long, and now that I decide I want to be happy (whether it's with my special guy or another guy)...  it just cannot be that simple.

It puts a wedge in my heart again, like many years ago where I want to revert back to the old private self.  Tell nobody anything about my life so I can prevent the risk of people talking to eachother behind my back about me and my choices as well as situations like this right here... where their disapproval begins to eat away at me.. and make me want to give up on everything completely.


Other than feeling upset for ME being treated this way, I get really upset FOR my sweet guy, who did nothing to deserve this type of judgement and whom, if things did progress between us, would possibly be left feeling awkward when we are around this person/people.  I would never want to do that to someone else and the fact that it's coming from people close to me, just breaks my heart, for him.

The only 'sound' advice I can give myself regarding this situation is that I am 31 years old.  I am a woman, a mother, a daughter, a grand-daughter, a sister, a cousin, a friend and an employee.  I am capable of making decisions for my own life that bear good consequences and bad consequences.  And I'm the only one that has to live with those consequences. 

If people don't want to support my current decision, as long as its not harming my children... then they can just not be involved in my life. 

If only it were that simple.