Wash the Windshield

Keeping the view of the road ahead clear.



Wednesday, August 17, 2011

If you could wake up anywhere...

....where would it be?

I was reading a blogpost where they asked a bunch of people in a city the same question, "If you could wake up anywhere, where would it be?"

It was interesting to hear the perspectives of different people of all ages, races and backgrounds.  But even more interesting to think about what my own answer to that would be.

Alot of places I'd want to wake up have been going through my head since I read the original question, but I've arrived at the two places I think I'd want to wake up, if given the chance.  I can't decide on either as my number one place I'd like to wake up, mostly because they are vastly different and have a great deal of importance to me either way.


One of the places I'd like to fall asleep and wake up again is in the hospital after I had both of my kids.  I don't want to wake up here as a do-over of sorts where I get the opportunity to do everything differently, but rather an opportunity to "coach" myself on the little things that I may have overlooked at the time.

If I woke up on September 11th, 2000 in the delivery room at Community Hospital in Anderson, I'd tell myself that:

-It was worth the wait in not finding out ahead of time that you were having a little boy.  Remember that moment when, after 45 minutes of pushing and vacuum extraction, you heard, "It's a boy"?  Relish in that moment.  You'll never forget it.

-All the people in the waiting room waiting to meet your little boy are the people that will love you forever.  They are the ones that supported you throughout your pregnancy and those that will be your biggest fans.  They're here to support you as you transition from a woman to a mother.  Let them.

-When you leave the hospital without your son because he needed extra care, enjoy the sleep.  Don't cry because you miss him.  You'll have the rest of your life with him.  The separation is only temporary.  And yes, it's ok to love him "that much."

-Someday, that little boy will start 5th grade.  He'll wave goodbye as he gets on the bus and never look back.  For now, hold him for as long as you want.  In less than a decade his snuggles will be a gift.

-Don't work so much.  Money is just money.  It doesn't make you happy nor solve any problems.  Be there to enjoy your little boy when he's little.  These moments will fade into memories far too soon.

-Give him the best life you can.  He'll never know any different.




If I woke up on February 5th, 2004 in the delivery room at Community Hospital in Anderson, I'd tell myself that:

-Finding out ahead of time that the sweet baby you're waiting on is going to be a little girl was probably the best decision you could've made to get through the pregnancy.  Spending many months bonding with "her" instead of "it" will create a special bond that few others will understand.

-Even though it seems like things are tough now, it will all pass.

-Don't be too proud to ask for help.  If things are tough, reach out.  You may think you can do it alone, but allowing people the opportunity to help will build bonds that you cannot even fathom.

-Stop praying for time to pass.  Someday all this time will pass and you'll wonder what happened to your baby girl.  Enjoy every single moment.  These are the days that will build your character and your strength.  You have no idea how strong you'll be as a result of these moments.

-Take more pictures.  Write down more milestones.  I know you're busy with two kids, but please, for your daughter, document her life in the same way you documented your son's. 

-Thank the friends that support and help you.  And be grateful for a job that you can come back to.

-I know it's somewhat embarrassing and taxing, but laugh about pumping breastmilk at work for 13 months.  Sitting in the "milk and cookie" room at work pumping 3 times a day will amuse you someday.  And most likely, it'll also amuse the people that sit around you at work too.  You're doing the best thing for your daughter; regardless of how inconvenient.  No one has to know you can't afford formula.

-No matter how annoying at times, value the bond between you and your daughter.  There is nothing in the world like it.  Never has been, never will be.  If you want to be different than you and your mom, don't close off the emotional bond that your little girl is building with you.  You're all she's got.  Someday, she'll be a mom too.  And she'll practice everything she learned from you.



**********

The other place I think I'd like to wake up is....
...in the arms of the man that was meant for me.

Many years ago, I didn't understand love like I do now.  I was too busy trying to figure out how to love my children the best I could while juggling many other things in my life and now that they are half grown...I understand the importance of companionship.  A person to be my best friend.  Love me and my kids no matter what and be able to enjoy time alone with.

Waking up alone in my bed for the past 9 or 10 years is getting old.  I'm not saying i'm on a mission to find my future husband, steal him up and marry him.... but I'm just saying that after waiting this long, I can't wait to feel that piece of my heart filled in.

I wouldn't change anything, honestly.  I know that's cliche', but there is no way I would've even began to have known how to be a good wife without the issues and struggles in my past.  Without learning from every relationship that I've been in how to compromise, how to work together and most importantly how to honor my husband.

I know there will always be issues and I most certainly won't be the perfect wife (i know, huge surprise to many of you since i'm so friggen awesome, hahah!)  But in all seriousness, I've got this mom thing under control (well, at least I think I do.  Definitely not the best, but I do alright)... I cannot wait to take care of my husband like I've taken care of my children.

So, remind me... in 20 years when i'm (dear God, please let's pray that i'm married by then) an old married bat complaining about my husband, will you please remind me about this time in my life when I couldn't wait to meet him, shower him with affection and wake up next to him everyday for the rest of my life?!

So yea, either way I want to wake up with a baby in my arms.  Whether it be two little babies that i birthed or one big baby that i married.

That's where i wanna wake up.  :)

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The End of Summer

As this week comes to an end, it marks the near-completion of a few milestones that I'd like to review.  Mostly for my benefit and perhaps for your entertainment as well.

1.) This marks the end of the last full week of summer break.  YAHOO!

  .... Wait, did i say that outloud?  In all seriousness, I am very happy to see the kids going back to school so this house can have some sort of routine back, however I'm also so thankful for this summer because it was the first summer my kids have really built some strong bonds with their friends in the neighborhood. 

 I hope that the many, many, many hours they spent with their friends will stick with them for a long time.

Along with it beign the end of summer break, I did just complete 6 more credit hours towards my degree!  Woot Woot!!  I'm just waiting on my grades to post for the classes I took so I can trot my happy rear end to the scholarship office and get my check for next semester.

Right now, I'm good with taking about 6 credit hours each semester.  I definitely don't want to sacrifice my home life and time with my kids to earn a degree that isn't going to make an immediate impact on my current job/salary/etc - however - definitely want to continue toward the ultimate goal.

I'm taking Macroeconomics and some Business Marketing Class this next semester in addition to working through the Green Belt Certification process at work for Lean Six Sigma.  The next few months should prove to be pretty awesome, considering.

Is it December yet?


2.) This week also marks the end of Summer 2011 Trailer Racing.  Yes, you read it right.  Trailer racing. 

 Let me back up. 

I think i've covered this before, but I have to say... after being raised an only child and (obviously) being a girl... the irony of me raising a little boy has been amusing, to say the least.  In the midst of a summer full of free time and full reign at the closest streets in the neighborhood, my dear son and his friends made up an immitation-racing-phenomenon called "trailer racing", dubbed after the fine Anderson Speedway Trailer Race that they host. 

Only ours was better. 

 It included ropes, strings, yarn, long pieces of anything that would stretch fro their bike seats to an object, or trailer.  Now, this racing extravaganza grew over the summer.  It started with the boys strapping sleds (yes, during our 21+ day heat wave over 90 degrees... my son and his friends were dragging sleds behind their bikes) and ended with strapping virtually anything that could be dragged down the street.  At one point, i saw buckets, laundry soap containers, crates, an old ab roller, etc flying behind the bikes down the street. 

And yes, I said Ab Roller.

You get the drift.

The good news was, all summer, i could hear my son coming down the street based upon what was 'dragging' behind his bike.  The bad news.... my kid looked like he was homeless most of the summer, dragging random things down the street.

But whatever.

So, yea-  i'm equally as sad and happy that The Great Trailer Race Championship Extravaganza 2011 is over for the summer.

3.) This week marks the beginning of 5th Grade Football.  And yes, I'm the proud owner of a 5th grader.  What the heck!?  Where has time gone?

Anyway.... the last two years, Chas was on the Green Bay Packers Team.  Now that he's moved up to 5th Grade, he's on the Buffalo Bills. 

So, naturally, I needed a Buffalo Bills t-shirt.  (I cannot ring the cow-bell without being properly dressed in my fan-attire).  So, obviously, it's a bit difficult to track down a Bills t-shirt here in Colts Country, so I hit the net.  And found a cute little vintage Buffalo Bills T-shirt!  Total Win!  I'm already trying to figure out a cute team snack item I can make to go along with the Bills.  I've always got the back-up cocoa krispie football-shaped treats I made last year, but would love to find something more 'team' appropriate. 

Wonder what the team would think if i brought all of my "bills" and handed them out.  Electric Bill to #23, Insurance Bill to #15, Cable Bill to #55, Mortgage to the Coach, etc :)

...it was worth a try.


4.) This week wil be taking me to Holiday World for the first time!  I'm super excited to be headed there with the kids and a couple of other special people... before school starts.  Although it will be a busy day, it will be nice to get away from my house for a couple of days and enjoy the company. 

And I'm wondering... in honor of our departure to Holiday World... perhaps our dear friend Elfis will make a return visit to our house.  He hasn't been back for quite some time... and with Christmas coming up in 4 months, it seems like an appropriate time to start terrorizing getting the kids acclimated to his arrival.

Moohahahah.


5.) Ah yes, this week will end with my birthday.  The big three one.  I am no longer thirty.  But thirty one. 

I am now 'experienced' at my thirties.

Does this mean I'm really a grown-up?  I mean, as if the pre-pubescent trailer-racing champion wasn't enough indication that i'm a grown-up... now i have to turn another year older!?

Instead of referring to it as 'older', i think i will stick with 'seasoned'.  You know, i've just been marinating for the last 31 years, right?  At some point, I'll be well cooked and ready to be stolen like a piece of meat.

Well, maybe not.  I don't think my analogy worked out the way I wanted it to, but who cares. 


6.) Speaking of seasoned... while my favorite Buffalo Bill (is he literally a "bill"?  I don't know the correct term here for the players, but whatever... i think i'm in a 'oh look, something shiny' mood tonight.  and judging from the fact that it's 2 am and i'm still wide awake, i think that's confirmation of my 'shiny' mood)... so where was I. 

Ah yes, while my favorite little Buffalo Bill was at practice tonight, I had a photo appointment with the cutest little girl from Ft. Wayne.  After I took her birthday pictures, I headed over to my sweet friend's house, where he had cooked me a YUMMY steak dinner with peas and corn for my birthday.  It was delicious.  And so friggen great to walk in and be fed good food that I didn't cook!  

Don't worry folks, I'm not going to get used to such behavior and 'spoiling'.. but damn it... it was good.  And such a delightful surprise.  I'm a happy girl.

...just like the fun little leopard file organizer purse and card that Eve left on my door yesterday, after I'd had a TOTALLY crappy day. (Thanks Eve!!!)



After a super crappy couple of days, it's amazing what a few of my dearest friends can do to totally turn my mood around.  I just really feel like gathering all of my favorite people into one room and giving a big giant group hug.


Life is good.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Hitched

I am finishing up on editing pictures from my 6th wedding this season.  Here are a few things that I've learned from the 2011 wedding season thus far:

1.) Pink and Orange seem to be the popular color.  Luckily, brides have been using the colors as "accent" colors instead of bridesmaid dress colors.  While I'm ok with this color combination, I'm kinda tired of seeing it. 

2.) The average ceremony from the time the bride walks down the aisle to the time she walks out with her husband is about 20 minutes.  By the time the bride walks down the aisle, I've usually spent a good 6 hours with her.  .... preparing for 20 minutes of vows.  

3.) After the ceremony, guests arrive at the reception and eat.  A lot of food.  That i'm sure - is very expensive.  I've yet to attend a wedding this season where a large meal wasn't served.  I'm thankful, because I get to eat some YUMMY food after a long day.  But good grief, that has to be expensive!

4.)If.  And this is a BIG Giant IF.... I ever get my "happily ever after" that i've been waiting for, for so long.. I want to run away and have a simple wedding on the beach.  Honeymoon built in and come back to start our new life together.   I am not spending all of that money to entertain people for a few hour and celebrate my wedding.  I'd rather run off to the beach  and just do it simply!  Don't get me wrong.  I'm all for big weddings ... love attending.  But do NOT want to even think about the bill!  :)

Monday, August 1, 2011

It's Not Like A Pair of Shoes

For those who know me well, you've inevitably heard about the struggles that I've had in my life, been there to help me through them or supported me after the fact of the matter.  At the time, our struggles seem so huge compared to all that is around us - but once it all calms down and "blows over" so to speak, it's easier to understand perhaps 'why' those struggles occurred.

Easy for me to say now, since things have been pretty smooth sailing for a while... knock on wood.

However, there are a handful of people around me that are really struggling with various things.  And it breaks my heart.

It's simple to say "oh, it's for the best."  or  "everything happens for a reason."  or "you'll get through it."  But when you're in the middle of what feels like hell on Earth, it's not easy to hear those words and even harder to actually believe them.

Most of you know that I'm a person of Faith. 

....and believe me... I've struggled with it at times.  It's not easy to believe in something you cannot see or touch.  And even more so, to believe in something 'good' when everything feels so bad.

And i'm not here to tell you that I'm perfect.  Because I'm pretty sure I'm the furthest thing from it.

But I try.

When I think about the hard times in life, the only thing that has brought me through those times is believing that it is happening for a reason, and that someday I will figure out why everything happened the way it did. 

The older I get, the better I become at accepting that fact and then waiting for the 'vision' of why it happened as it did.

But in the middle of the storm, it's so hard to see the horizon ahead.




I was talking with a dear friend of mine recently.  A fellow single-mother who has raised her children on her own since they were babies.  A woman of such a great deal of Faith that she could move mountains if she believed it enough... and a person that I view as a mentor when I need lifted up.

We were chatting about how things have worked out lately in my life and how thankful I am for everything.  And how she's going through a rough spot right now with things.  She mentioned that the message at her church the previous Sunday was meant for her to hear.  When she says that, I know it's going to be good - so I asked.

All she said was,

"Faith isn't something you put on and take off like a pair of shoes.  Faith is to be worn at all times."


It didn't really touch me at the time, but I thought about it as the day went on.  And it was so right.

Faith absolutely isn't something you're supposed to take off and on like a pair of shoes.  It's easy to want to do that, but that's not the intention of Faith.

If you believe in a higher power, you know that Faith is believing that if God delivered the situation, or circumstances it is because it is supposed to be that way for now and it will pass.

For me, that was a really hard thing to do many times and I know that many of you have either been there or are there right now.  And if you're really honest with yourselves, you can probably identify some moments in your life that were really crappy.... but looking back... had to occur in order to get you to the next big thing.

There have been many times when I just wanted to leave my Faith on the proverbial front porch and believe that the world was against me and that I was never going to find real happiness.   Like the name of my blog, I try not to look into the rearview mirror too much, in order to keep my eyes on what lies ahead - but I haven't lost touch with what's behind.

I think all that is behind us on that long and winding road does more than bring us to where we are today; but rather makes us WHO we are today.  There are things back there that gave us badges of honor... and things that left deep bruises.  There are things we wish we hadn't have learned... and things that taught us more than any degree.  People that traveled with us on the road for a little while, then turned off to a different path. 

You get my drift.

I'm thankful because things are going alright for me right now.  Even if things don't stay the way they are forever, I'm grateful for what "is" at this moment... and hopeful for what 'will be'.    And I have a sense of peace about the fact that, my Faith isn't removable and everything is as it should be in this moment.

...however long this 'moment' in time lasts, I'm going to enjoy for the duration.