Wash the Windshield

Keeping the view of the road ahead clear.



Monday, February 27, 2012

Ethnic-Chameleon

First things first...

...I feel like I spelled Chameleon wrong.  

Truth be known, I'm too lazy to look up the spelling, so I'm just going to go with it.  My apologies if improper spelling offends you.

Many of you know, and for those that don't, my future Husband is 1/2 Japanese and 1/2 American.  His mom is a sweet little Japanese lady, while his dad is a nice American man.  These two people created my favorite grown man.  And while, I'm thankful for a plethora of attributes that he brings to our relationship, his ethnic humor... or irony rather can be quite amusing.

Case in point.

A few months ago, he was pulled over for speeding.  On the ticket, the officer wrote that his race was Hispanic.

But he's not.

When he travels to his Monterrey, Mexico office for work, many of the locals believe that he is Mexican.

But he's not.

Last week, when we went to eat at the Hacienda, he ordered Flan for dessert.  The waiter came back and began speaking Spanish; indicating something was wrong with the Flan.

Joe had to tell him he was Japanese/American and didn't speak fluent Spanish.  Only "Un Poquito".  

I laughed.

Friday night, on our date, we went and had a couples massage.  After we were done, the massage therapists started speaking to him in Taiwanese.   He had to tell them he was Japanese/American... AGAIN.

I'm not sure why this amuses me so much.  Perhaps because I'm not cool enough to be as versatile as he is.  Or maybe it's because of the blank look on his face when he is mistaken for another ethnicity that speaks a totally different language.  I don't know, but I have to laugh.




Sunday, February 26, 2012

The Happy Ending that was Not Allowed

I had the opportunity to try something this weekend that I've never done before... a couples massage. 


Joe and I had a date night planned Friday night, and he suggested that we go have a couples massage together.  He perused some local coupon sites and found a 20 minute foot massage plus one hour full body massage for $30 each.


First and foremost, I'm going to be upfront and tell you that initially, I felt a little 'dirty' about this so-called couples massage.  I have no idea why.  Probably out of naivety and quite possibly out of just general weirdness, but I felt dirty.  Maybe you've felt that way before, or maybe not, but I certainly did, but went along with it because ... come on.... I should probably grow up when it comes to things like this.


So, I called the place and it sounded legit.  In the back of my mind, I was very nervous that it was going to be some kind of "shady" place like I've seen on the news where women are giving "massages" to lonely men.    I went ahead and scheduled the appointment for 6:30 for the two of us and promptly began staling this company's facebook page to determine their viability in my book of "approved places we can go".


Based upon the reviews on FB they passed, so I kept the appointment.


..but not without warning him that "he no get massage with Happy Ending."


I'm pretty sure he thought i was really stupid for even saying that, but you know what... i had to make sure we were clear.






So, we get there a little early and hang out in the waiting room chatting.  


They took us back to this little room with 2 chairs/beds and had us take off our shoes and socks.  We stayed clothed for the remainder of the massage.  They offer group rooms too, where a bunch of ladies can go get pampered one afternoon and be able to lay there together.  That would be nice too!


But anyway - we rested peacefully whilst the nice man and lady massaged almost every muscle in our bodies!  It was so nice!  After our massage we went to eat dinner and headed home.


Saturday, we had some errands to run in the morning and spent the latter part of the afternoon Registering at Target!  That was fun!


That evening, we headed to Broad Ripple to eat at Union Jack's, as we'd both been craving a nice healthy deep dish pizza.  Thankfully, they didn't disappoint.  After we ate, we headed to the mall to pick up his son and proceeded to go back to his condo, where I took a test and hung out with the boys while they did what men do!


Overall, it was a really fun weekend and I simply cannot wait until we can spend more time together in closer proximity.... like the same address!


YAY!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Hang 10... or.... 20

I made a wedding splurge.  And I'm ok with admitting it.

I'm all about tiny intricate details that really don't mean anything to anyone except me.  I've been to a few weddings where the bride had a custom hanger that her dress hung on.  Did it serve any purpose?  No, none.  

Did it look freaking CUTE?  

YES!

So, out to etsy I went for a dark wooden hanger with an ivory bow and the words "Mrs. Shelton" spelled out in metal at the bottom of the hanger.  And I paid about 1000% more than it cost to just put it on a plain 'ol hanger and call it a day.

But I like it, so don't judge.

It finally came in the mail today and I am SO EXCITED!!!!  

It's the little things that make me super duper happy.

$25 including shipping on a wooden hanger with my new name made me really happy today.  I can't wait to hang my dress on it!

 

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

House Hunt 2k12 - Update!

What a whirlwind the last few weeks have been since the House Hunt began.  I'd tried to update this blog numerous times, but much to my dismay, apparently I needed to download Google Chrome in order to update it.


...so much for being a Tech nerd, eh?


Finally, I am able to update my blog!  Whoo hoo!


As you know, we'd been looking at houses in the area, not rushing, just looking for something to come across that suited our fancy.  We were going to Joe's parent's house one day and saw a moving truck outside a cute house on his old road.  We both thought that was kinda odd, especially since the garage didn't look like they were packing to move, but whatever - we assumed maybe one of their kids was moving and left it at that.


A couple of days later, a For Sale sign went up in the yard.  It's a cute 2 story brick cape-cod style house with shutters, dormers, cute backyard, etc - so the minute we saw the sign, I had to call. It hadn't been listed yet online, but the Realtor told me a few details about it .  And i knew we had to schedule a showing.


It was 4 bedrooms (BINGO!  Exactly what we need!)
It had a small office area (SUPER!  I need that too, for work!)
A bonus room above the garage (SCORE!)
A Main-level Master Bedroom (This was high on my list of WANTS)
A Fire Place (This was a borderline NEED on my list of wants/needs)
It looks modest from the outside (Exactly how i wanted my house to be)


So, I scheduled a showing. 


Despite a few cosmetic issues that I had with it (a bit too much wallpaper, the dining room is lavender, etc) .. it was just perfect.


But I didn't want to be jaded by the fact that it was literally the first house I'd looked at.


So, I told Joe that I love that house, and we decided to continue our search.  He found a few other houses he wanted to see, so I scheduled the showings on a Saturday when we could look at them all and get a good idea of what we liked.


He fell in love with the same Cape-Cod that I did.  Loved it.  We thought the price was a bit high, but when we factored in the new roof, new windows, new furnace and air, new main area carpeting, etc etc - we decided that all the major repairs it would need that would cost the most money were all less than 6 months old, and as long as it passed inspection, it was a pretty good deal.


We talked to the Realtor about making an offer and found out that there were 2 other offers the owners were reviewing.


So, we put in our offer and to make a long story short, they accepted!


We had the inspection done last week and they found only a few minor issues, all of which the owner is going to fix, so that's even better!  We should be closing the week before Spring Break and get possession within 30 days.


So, it was time to start figuring out what to do with my house and his current apartment. He contacted his landlords and asked if he could get out of his lease.  He of course offered to pay until it was rented, but hoped to get out soon.  I decided to list my house on Craig's List for rent/buy and see if I got any bites.


I was contacted by 3 different people, 2 of which came to look at the house and said they wanted it.  One of Bek's friends parents was looking for a house to move into, since they currently live in Anderson and are wanting to buy, but not right away, etc - so they have decided to take it!  Their timeline is flexible, as is mine, so I think it will be a good fit.


This makes me especially happy because I know the people that are going to live in/buy my house.  As you all know, I was struggling with selling my house, as it has a lot more meaning than just 1400 square feet of brick and shingles.   It may be a small and simple home, but it's mine and I bought it on my own; so getting rid of it is difficult.


Within a week, Joe's landlord called and said that he had 2 people interested in looking at his condo as they are very interested in buying it!  So, everything is falling into place nicely!


I'm getting very excited and very nervous at the same time, but I can't help but encourage myself with the fact that everything is working out with minimal issues (so far, knock on wood)... so it must be the way it's supposed to be.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Heirloom

I've been shopping for wedding bands here and there, trying to figure out what I think I would like and what would be pretty with my engagement ring.

I'd like to think I'm a modest person.  I don't like to be "showey" or have a big giant ring to establish my status in this world.  I don't need $10k sitting on my finger to define love. 

So, i found some bands that i liked on the Shane Co website and decided to run in there real quick while I had a few minutes last week.  I wanted to put them up next to my ring to narrow my search a bit.  I took a few pictures and went on my way.

When I showed Joe which ones i'd looked at, I let him know that they were rather inexpensive and I was just trying to be modest and respectful of the fact that we are buying a house and will be spending money with moving, etc.

Joe described the fact that he'd purchased my solitaire with a "wrap" in mind for the wedding band.  He envisioned a nice wrap surrounding the diamond and making it all come together in a nice looking set. 

Then He said one of the sweetest things that I'd never considered before, with regard to the cost and modesty of my ring.  He told me not to worry about the cost because it's an "heirloom".

Hmmm... an heirloom.

He was so right. 

It's not just a symbol of love  and commitment between the two of us but something that is typically cherished by those left behind when we are gone. 

What a sweet way to look at it.

So, when I shop for my wedding ring/band/wrap in the next few months, I'm going to stop thinking about saving money and getting the cheapest thing that still looks nice, but rather... searching for my heirloom. 

Thursday, February 9, 2012

House Hunt 2k12

Aside from impatiently awaiting the arrival of my new little boyfriend Jackson (come on Jenny... have him already!) ... I have been busy with a plethora of activities ranging from school to house hunting.  

I'm not sure what possessed, or rather motivated me to take 12 credit hours this semester, but I did.  Call me an overachiever.  Or Impatient.  Or a total nut-case, but it's not too bad.  Now, I'm not going to lie and tell you that I don't sit in my bed every single night and do homework/study/lectures/forum posts/etc - because I do... but it's not too bad.  What I will tell you however, is that the fruits of my labor will come after this semesterd when 1.) I have an official Associates Degree and 2.) I will have a deeper appreciation for taking 1-2 classes each semester.

Associates Degree?  What?  Why?  If some of you remember, when I decided to take the plunge and return to school, I set milestones for myself, so I would feel as though I were making progress and have goals to meet along the way.  The first was to go ahead and get an associates while I work on my Bachelor's.  While, I don't think there are any instant benefits to this piece of paper, at least from a current career perspective, it does make me feel good to have accomplished the 2nd goal that I had for myself.

So yes, the House Hunt 2k12.  For those of you that have been to my house, you will know that a family of 5 or 6 (My honey is probably choking at those numbers right now!) cannot comfortably fit in this love shack. Therefore, it is inevitable that we find another home.  I haven't quiet decided if we are going to try to sell my house or rent it out, but either way, this Team needs a home!

I'm super excited to go looking at houses and try to figure out what we want and need and it makes the realization that our lives will be joining very, very soon even more exciting. 

We are spending our Saturday afternoon looking at a few houses in the area while his sweet son is at a birthday party.  I can't wait!

Is it October yet?  :)

Wedding planning is coming along nicely.  Still trying to walk a fine line between what I like and my taste and what is considered tacky by our guests.  Not so much from a style perspective because I'm pretty neutral on colors and decor... but rather from a traditions/order of events/standard flow standpoint. 

Because I'm backwards, weird and pretty private about a lot of things, I could do without the hooplah of a wedding.  However, I thought it was important for our children to participate and witness the blending of our family, so I agreed to a small intimate wedding.

...which has turned into about 100 people. 

The best part of that number is that, while it seems so LARGE to me, it is 100 of our closest friends and family, which makes me feel so rich with people that love me (and us).  I am so blessed.

So, anyway....

that's that.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Better Days

I think people are brought in and out of our lives for a reason.  Most of the time, the reasons aren't clear at the time, which makes understanding the path of life difficult, at best.

Other times, people stay in your life for long enough that you can look back and realize how they impacted your life and the purpose of their existence.  I have a sweet girlfriend that I met a little over 10 years ago, and have had the priviledge of walking in and out of eachother's lives a couple of times over that period of time.  She's a person that "gets me", she doesn't judge and often thinks the way that I do.  She's supported me, like many of you, through some of the hardest times in my life and I am so, so thankful for that support from her.

At the same time though, we've had our falling-outs and it always seems that when we reconnect, we do so with complete forgiveness and clean slate.  I appreciate every single time I'm able to be in her company because I know that there's nothing I can't talk to her about and have her opinion/support/etc.

I have other friends, that it seems I've entered their life to use my life experiences to help them get through hard times and then our friendship starts to dissipate and take it's natural course of moving on.  They take what they learned from our friendship and apply it to others; and life goes on.

Others have entered my life at just the right times, making me believe in things I'd lost hope in.  And whether they stick around for the duration, or choose to spend just a small amount of time with me, I have to trust that there was or is purpose and a lesson to be learned from their involvement in my life.

Sadly, in some instances I may have to learn that 'trusting certain people' with your heart cannot be done lightly.  At the end of the day, it is what it is.

I try to face every "difficult" situation in my life with an open mind, and although I'm not the best at doing this on-the-spot or in the middle of conflict or issue, I always try to take a step back and say,

"ok, what am I supposed to be learning from this?" 

When i view situations in that light, it usually helps me level set and move forward with a positive thinking mind, instead of the instant negativity that accompanies hurt feeilngs, frustration, resentment, anger, devastation, etc.

My son is a lot like I am; sometimes that is good, and other times that is bad.  It's difficult to parent "yourself" when the individual you are trying to parent has the same train of thought that you do and it becomes a battle of will.  On the other hand, it's a nice challenge to look at my own life and the positive attributes that I have and attempt to nourish those traits within my son to help use his strong willed energy and turn that into a good leader someday, in whatever he chooses to do with his life.

On the other hand, it has been equally as rewarding and challenging to parent my daughter.  She is so polar opposite of me in many ways and has been since day 1.  I often find myself asking, in the midst of a challenge,  "how am I supposed to parent this child that is so different from me?"

More times than not, the answer is clear:

"Just learn from it.  Do your best, love her unconditionally and learn from it."

So, I do.

I've learned how to love people more; because of her.  I wasn't a good person at loving others with the hardened heart that I had protected from past hurts... yet, when i'm in the middle of a 'moment' with my daughter, where i'm fuming mad and furious, she looks at me and says, "mommy, i love you, I do still love you, even if you are yelling at me."

And it breaks my heart.

In that heated moment where i'm so frustrated that I cannot see straight, she can still mutter the words, "I love you" to me, despite my momentary rage.

All my life, I've wanted someone to just love me.  Through the good and the bad, just love me. 

And she does. 

What a lesson to me on how to love through good and bad.

Patience.

The word that is my arch-enemy.  I am not a patient person by nature.  Well, i didn't use to be.

Until my girl.

Because we think so differently, it has required a great deal of patience on my part to try to help her grow into the confident and independent young woman that came very naturally to me.  yet, at the same time, accepting her as she is.

Oh, Patience.... thank you for coming into my life in a sort of "baptism by fire" kind of way through my daughter.

I'm not the best at showing love and i'm not the most patient person.  I do try, but I know I'm not the best.

Yet, that's all my daughter wants from me... a great deal of love, and patience.

She's not a bad kid.  I don't get calls from the school about bullying, she demonstrates outstanding citizenship, cares about other people's feelings like none other.

All she wants is my love, support and encouragement. 

Sure, it's frustrating at times. 

Ok, a lot of times it is frustrating. 

..but for selfish reasons.  Because I don't want to take 30 minutes to love on her... i want to put her to bed and her go to sleep.

Really? 

I borrowed 18 years of time from her long life and I can't just relish in the moments alone with her before bed?

I can't stop loading the dish washer, taking out the trash, doing laundry, working, doing homework, texting, etc ....

...to spend time giving my daughter 'love'?

The one thing she is just craving, for whatever reason, and I'm too busy.

Is there ever such a thing as loving a child "too much?"   I think all children's needs are different.  Just as everyone's adult love languages are different.

I try so hard to meet the needs of the people that I love through understanding them and their love language.

And I really need to be more in tune with her love language and no matter how awkward or odd it makes me feel to deliver on that, I need to do a better job of it.

Admittedly, last night was a rough night at my house.  I started out wrong, when she needed love, I strictly enforced that I needed space.

When she needed reassurance, I forced my lack of desire to "do this right now".

I failed.

Last night, I failed. 

I didn't do my job as a parent, I was being selfish.  And it happens.

Some day, I will look back, in my days without children and wish for just one more moment that they were still little, innocent and demanding of my love.

For now, in times like these... days like today when I just want to throw in the towel on everything, give up, and stop believing in little things that make me happy.... I exercise the patience and love that i have learned in the past 8 years and i tell myself that:

1.) Love is a Proper Noun and a Verb. 

2.) Love doesn't throw in the towel.  Love loves no matter what.  If love doesn't love no matter what, then it wasn't love to begin with.

3.) Love loves those that you do love deepely, enough to do whatever is right to make them happy.  Even if it means they have to make tough choices that may hurt you.

4.) Love is patient.  Love waits it out.  Love is what is in your heart.  Your head might tell you otherwise, but you can't fool your heart.  Love is a feeling, not a logic.

5.) Love is not selfish.  Love looks out for others, supports them, encourages them, and doesn't judge them.  If you're not looking out for others, supporting, encouraging and judging on the basis of selfishness, then it isn't really love.

At least that's the way I see it.

I'm hoping there are better days ahead.