The last few days have been so nice to be away from home and enjoying time with my honey. A while ago, he asked me if I wanted to go to his Christmas party in Nashville, Tennessee. I was so excited because it happened to be on a weekend when I actually had no kids and no other plans. BONUS!
We found out a couple of weeks ago, that he had a meeting at his Nashville office on Thursday, and would have to drive down on Wednesday. Since I didn't want to have to make arrangements for that many days away from my kids, I went ahead and found a one-way ticket to Nashville for less than $100. It probably would've cost more in gas and then had to drive two cars back, so for about $80, I booked the flight!
He picked me up from the airport at about 4:30 and we headed to dinner together. We decided on a restaurant called 'Cheddars', since there are none in our area, but quickly learned that "Cheddars" had nothing on the menu relating to Cheddar Cheese, as we'd suspected.
Fear not, dinner was good despite the lack of Cheddar and the company was fantastic after being on a plane and in airports for almost 6 hours!
Friday we both worked for a few hours in the morning and then headed out to take a walking tour of downtown Nashville. We ate at Jack's BBQ, which was right on the "strip" and walked it off around downtown, checking out the fun stores, looking in the windows of some of the famous bars and walking down "Printer's Alley", stopping along the way to take random and fun photographs!
On our way home, we took the scenic route and enjoyed the Tenneessee country roads and 'nice' homes in the area. We also looked diligently for a nice Chevette that might be for sale, in order to fufill my dreams of ownng a 'vette.
I was intrigued by the cotton fields and felt it necessary to ask Joe to pull the car over on the side of the road so I could steal a cotton plant right out of the field.
don't worry - i'm not going to become a cotton Gin (hahah!) ... and start making my own clothes, just intrigued by the plant.
Unfortunately, our search for Super Famous Stars in Nashville and Rockin' Chevettes in the country was unsuccessful for the two of us, so we returned to our hotel to get ready for the Christmas Party.
That night we attended Joe's company Christmas party downstairs at our hotel and had a really good time! I was able to meet several of the people that he works with and after a few drinks, he had the courage to hit the dance floor for a couple of songs.
Saturday we got up early, ate breakfast at the hotel and headed towards Indiana. All was well until I decided I should go ahead and make a fool out of myself by vomiting in the car on the ride home.
Lucky for my driver... i had a plastic bag available to catch the .... well.... puke... so there was minimal clean up in the car.
Let me tell you... he handled it like a champ.
Pulled the car over at the nearest Classy Truck Stop Trashcan so I could finish puking like I was getting paid to do it. Then, into the truck stop I went to clean myself up and brush my teeth.
God love him. I know it was just nasty. But he was so good about it.
And i mean, what's hotter than a chick puking for no reason while you're driving 5 hours home.
...ok, don't answer that :)
Saturday evening, I hung out with he and his little boy and we had a good time. Sunday, I laid in bed sick all day and got my kiddos back that evening.
Outside of my Gastroentestinal track's decision to act like a fool for the past 2 days, my weekend was great!!
It was so nice to get away from home and enjoy time with my guy!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thanksgiving
Overall, Thanksgiving was good this year. Thursday morning, both Joe and I were sans children and had tried to sign up to volunteer, but everywhere was full and turned me away when I called, so we ended up going to breakfast, laughing at their "special" menu and then heading to the casino so he could pass some time until we each parted ways and got our children.
It was nice to spend an otherwise lonely day with someone fun.
Thursday evening, I got my kids back and we headed over to Chas' other Grandma's house for a quick dinner. We didn't stay long, but stayed long enough for Chas and his cousin Benji to get their annual Lego Advent calendars and then headed home.
Chas was really wanting to go Black Friday shopping (he'd never been before) and I knew that I couldn't guarantee that I'd wake up early enough to go shopping with all the crazies, so I did what any other good mother would do.
I told him we'd stay up late and hit the Midnight-Opening stores.
I didn't really NEED anything, as most of my shopping has been done, however there were a few items at Kohl's that were a good deal and would finish some loose ends of shopping I had to do.
So away we went, out to the general public at 11:15 at night.
I had to do a quick and dirty education to my novice black Friday shoppers before we went in. Go through the doors, cut through the Juniors department and grab a cart... and QUICK. My son executed flawlessly as we received one of the last 3 carts in the store. SCORE!
The Kohl's line was long getting in, but I had a plan, I knew what I wanted and we were in and out before the checkout lanes got too long. I even had a receipt from the week before that they adjusted the price down on, so all-in-all, was a pretty successful trip to Kohl's with the kids.
We got home at about 2:30 a.m., after hitting a couple of other stores, and of course then I had my second wind and was up wrapping gifts until about 3:20 when I headed to bed. My mom arrived bright and early at just after 7 am to begin helping me cook our family's Thanksgiving Dinner for today.
We got everything cooked and were sitting down to eat by 1 o'clock. It was so nice to have my Grandpa over, despite the difficulty of missing Grandma, it was very nice to visit with him and try to keep him happy.
After lunch, the kids and I headed to the cemetary to visit Grandma, ran some errands and ended up kicking off the Christmas season by driving to look at Christmas lights for a little while.
Tomorrow (Saturday) I have a girls lunch at Olive Garden with Bekah, Jenny, Ashley and Crystal before we attend a fellow 80's Lady's daughter's 1st Birthday event! I'm so excited to see the beautiful Miss Rachel at her Birthday festivities.
I filled out my December calendar on my refridgerator this evening and was so excited to see all of the holiday festivities/exchanges/etc coming up! Have I mentioned that I LOVE the holidays!? I love looking under the tree and seeing all the fun gifts I get to bless people with. I know that Christmas isn't about the gifts but it IS about giving and I love to spend time with others and give. It's hard to believe that one month from today is Christmas and then, New Years and.... well...
2012!! I cannot wait to see what 2012 brings for my family. Whether good or bad, I'm ready for a new year.
It was nice to spend an otherwise lonely day with someone fun.
Thursday evening, I got my kids back and we headed over to Chas' other Grandma's house for a quick dinner. We didn't stay long, but stayed long enough for Chas and his cousin Benji to get their annual Lego Advent calendars and then headed home.
Chas was really wanting to go Black Friday shopping (he'd never been before) and I knew that I couldn't guarantee that I'd wake up early enough to go shopping with all the crazies, so I did what any other good mother would do.
I told him we'd stay up late and hit the Midnight-Opening stores.
I didn't really NEED anything, as most of my shopping has been done, however there were a few items at Kohl's that were a good deal and would finish some loose ends of shopping I had to do.
So away we went, out to the general public at 11:15 at night.
I had to do a quick and dirty education to my novice black Friday shoppers before we went in. Go through the doors, cut through the Juniors department and grab a cart... and QUICK. My son executed flawlessly as we received one of the last 3 carts in the store. SCORE!
The Kohl's line was long getting in, but I had a plan, I knew what I wanted and we were in and out before the checkout lanes got too long. I even had a receipt from the week before that they adjusted the price down on, so all-in-all, was a pretty successful trip to Kohl's with the kids.
We got home at about 2:30 a.m., after hitting a couple of other stores, and of course then I had my second wind and was up wrapping gifts until about 3:20 when I headed to bed. My mom arrived bright and early at just after 7 am to begin helping me cook our family's Thanksgiving Dinner for today.
We got everything cooked and were sitting down to eat by 1 o'clock. It was so nice to have my Grandpa over, despite the difficulty of missing Grandma, it was very nice to visit with him and try to keep him happy.
After lunch, the kids and I headed to the cemetary to visit Grandma, ran some errands and ended up kicking off the Christmas season by driving to look at Christmas lights for a little while.
Tomorrow (Saturday) I have a girls lunch at Olive Garden with Bekah, Jenny, Ashley and Crystal before we attend a fellow 80's Lady's daughter's 1st Birthday event! I'm so excited to see the beautiful Miss Rachel at her Birthday festivities.
I filled out my December calendar on my refridgerator this evening and was so excited to see all of the holiday festivities/exchanges/etc coming up! Have I mentioned that I LOVE the holidays!? I love looking under the tree and seeing all the fun gifts I get to bless people with. I know that Christmas isn't about the gifts but it IS about giving and I love to spend time with others and give. It's hard to believe that one month from today is Christmas and then, New Years and.... well...
2012!! I cannot wait to see what 2012 brings for my family. Whether good or bad, I'm ready for a new year.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Tabloids and Newspaper Articles
When I was younger and beginning to think about my future career, I tossed around several ideas - Psychologist, Manager, Nurse, Mediator, Journalist, etc.
I vividly remember wishing someday that I could be the editor of a major magazine. The name at the top of the list when you open the first few pages. I'd write a monthly column/article from The Editor and it would be so much fun.
Thankfully, that never came to fruition. I don't think I could be a writer 24/7 - or anything more than a hobby to be exact.
..but let me tell you right now - I can write a KILLER Tabloid for you.
Kinda odd, huh?
Let me explain.
Several years ago, I attended a Seminar at work with a guest speaker who spoke of leadership, efficiency, and motivation. I would pay a great deal of money to go hear her speak again. She presented the idea of the "Newspaper Article" verses the "Tabloid" - and it stuck with me like glue.
So, a Newspaper article is typically written with factual information (hang in there with me, some may oppose) - but for the most part - Newspaper articles are written with the basis of factual information. No extra bulk, just the facts.
A Tabloid, is a very, very lonnnnnnnnnnnnnng stretch of a truth to the point where sometimes, it carries so much circumstantial evidence that it is ALMOST believable.
Let me tell you, as much as I LOVE the theory of, "Is it a newspaper article or a tabloid?"... I am guilty as charged for not practicing what I preach to myself. I typically only find this to be a real issue in my life when it comes to relationships. And I don't necessarily mean just romantic relationships; I mean all kinds of relationships with friends, family, lovers, etc.
I can write a meannnnnn tabloid.
I'm going to go ahead and tattle on myself a little here (not airing dirty laundry, but hopefully you can relate a little bit and at the very least laugh at how STUPID this is.)
So, last night My Better Half came over and we fell asleep on the couch. About 1:30 in the morning, I heard my daughter yell for me, so I went to lay with her so she'd go back to sleep. A couple of minutes later, I heard footsteps to my front door, it shut and he had left. I texted him "I'm sorry." And never heard back.
(I know, sad sad story. Anyone need a tissue yet?) ha!
So, simple and innocent story.
I was literally sitting... well laying in bed thinking about this for NO LESS than 30 minutes.... writing a friggen tabloid.
Here was the tabloid that I was writing:
"Oh my gosh, I can't believe he just left! I was only in here for like 8 minutes. I was getting ready to go back out there. Surely he doesn't expect me to choose him OVER my kids! I mean, I am very understanding when it comes to his little boy. Seriously? He left!!! And now, he's not texting me back. Great, he's probably driving home thinking about how we can never work out because my daughter is so needy. But I swear, she'll out grow it. I mean, she has to, right? Well, you know what- if he doesn't care about me enough to get through this little spell with her, then I guess I don't need him around. But then i'll be sad if he's not around :(. Because we really have fun together! And if we do work out, sure we'll always have kids, but they won't live with us forever! The majority of our lives will be left with eachother, not with 3 kids running around. I wonder if he's ever thought of this? I can't believe he's not texting me back!!! He probably won't call in the morning on his way to work. If he doesn't, then I'll just "know" that he can't handle my family and I guess i will have to accept that I may never find someone to be with because of my kids...."
Stupid, huh?
And even if he was feeling that way, I had no way to prove it, so why stress about it at 2 a.m.
So, i started coaching myself through the Newspaper Article process....
Me to Self: What are the facts that you know and can prove about this situation?
Self: Well, i was laying with him on the couch. Bek yelled for me. I layed with her for about 8 minutes. He left. I texted.
Me to Self: Ok, so did he say that he was mad?
Self: Well, no.
Me to Self: Did he say that he did not want to be with you?
Self: Well, no.
Me to Self: Is there anything you can do about it if he decides this relationship isn't right for him?
Self: Actually, no. I guess not! I would want him to be happy, no matter what.
Me to Self: Ok, then what in the HECK is your problem, woman!?
Self: Well, I don't know.
Me to Self: Alright, then go to sleep.
And so that was the end of it. I went to sleep, I got up this morning, he called like normal. Assured me he wasn't mad (maybe he's fibbing!? - there goes the Tabloid again!) and life went on as normal.
I write tabloids ALL THE TIME.
..about the dumbest things! I find myself often having to stop and rewind the conversation to only the facts and then determine if I need to puruse getting additional facts, or just letting it be.
Surely I'm not the only person with a PhD in Tabloid Jounalism?!
I vividly remember wishing someday that I could be the editor of a major magazine. The name at the top of the list when you open the first few pages. I'd write a monthly column/article from The Editor and it would be so much fun.
Thankfully, that never came to fruition. I don't think I could be a writer 24/7 - or anything more than a hobby to be exact.
..but let me tell you right now - I can write a KILLER Tabloid for you.
Kinda odd, huh?
Let me explain.
Several years ago, I attended a Seminar at work with a guest speaker who spoke of leadership, efficiency, and motivation. I would pay a great deal of money to go hear her speak again. She presented the idea of the "Newspaper Article" verses the "Tabloid" - and it stuck with me like glue.
So, a Newspaper article is typically written with factual information (hang in there with me, some may oppose) - but for the most part - Newspaper articles are written with the basis of factual information. No extra bulk, just the facts.
A Tabloid, is a very, very lonnnnnnnnnnnnnng stretch of a truth to the point where sometimes, it carries so much circumstantial evidence that it is ALMOST believable.
Let me tell you, as much as I LOVE the theory of, "Is it a newspaper article or a tabloid?"... I am guilty as charged for not practicing what I preach to myself. I typically only find this to be a real issue in my life when it comes to relationships. And I don't necessarily mean just romantic relationships; I mean all kinds of relationships with friends, family, lovers, etc.
I can write a meannnnnn tabloid.
I'm going to go ahead and tattle on myself a little here (not airing dirty laundry, but hopefully you can relate a little bit and at the very least laugh at how STUPID this is.)
So, last night My Better Half came over and we fell asleep on the couch. About 1:30 in the morning, I heard my daughter yell for me, so I went to lay with her so she'd go back to sleep. A couple of minutes later, I heard footsteps to my front door, it shut and he had left. I texted him "I'm sorry." And never heard back.
(I know, sad sad story. Anyone need a tissue yet?) ha!
So, simple and innocent story.
I was literally sitting... well laying in bed thinking about this for NO LESS than 30 minutes.... writing a friggen tabloid.
Here was the tabloid that I was writing:
"Oh my gosh, I can't believe he just left! I was only in here for like 8 minutes. I was getting ready to go back out there. Surely he doesn't expect me to choose him OVER my kids! I mean, I am very understanding when it comes to his little boy. Seriously? He left!!! And now, he's not texting me back. Great, he's probably driving home thinking about how we can never work out because my daughter is so needy. But I swear, she'll out grow it. I mean, she has to, right? Well, you know what- if he doesn't care about me enough to get through this little spell with her, then I guess I don't need him around. But then i'll be sad if he's not around :(. Because we really have fun together! And if we do work out, sure we'll always have kids, but they won't live with us forever! The majority of our lives will be left with eachother, not with 3 kids running around. I wonder if he's ever thought of this? I can't believe he's not texting me back!!! He probably won't call in the morning on his way to work. If he doesn't, then I'll just "know" that he can't handle my family and I guess i will have to accept that I may never find someone to be with because of my kids...."
Stupid, huh?
And even if he was feeling that way, I had no way to prove it, so why stress about it at 2 a.m.
So, i started coaching myself through the Newspaper Article process....
Me to Self: What are the facts that you know and can prove about this situation?
Self: Well, i was laying with him on the couch. Bek yelled for me. I layed with her for about 8 minutes. He left. I texted.
Me to Self: Ok, so did he say that he was mad?
Self: Well, no.
Me to Self: Did he say that he did not want to be with you?
Self: Well, no.
Me to Self: Is there anything you can do about it if he decides this relationship isn't right for him?
Self: Actually, no. I guess not! I would want him to be happy, no matter what.
Me to Self: Ok, then what in the HECK is your problem, woman!?
Self: Well, I don't know.
Me to Self: Alright, then go to sleep.
And so that was the end of it. I went to sleep, I got up this morning, he called like normal. Assured me he wasn't mad (maybe he's fibbing!? - there goes the Tabloid again!) and life went on as normal.
I write tabloids ALL THE TIME.
..about the dumbest things! I find myself often having to stop and rewind the conversation to only the facts and then determine if I need to puruse getting additional facts, or just letting it be.
Surely I'm not the only person with a PhD in Tabloid Jounalism?!
Monday, November 21, 2011
The Lucky One
12 Years ago this Christmas break is when I got terribly sick, went to the Med Check, received a Prescription for an antibiotic (Biaxin) and went along my Merry little way; happy that another semester of College classes were over and ready to relax with my friends and family over the holidays.
Ever heard of the "gift" that keeps on giving?
In all my infinite 19 year old wisdom, I was not aware that antibiotics cancel out birth control pills.
And so the story of my sweet son was written over that Christmas break. Mid-January I found out that I was going to be a mom and by September 11th... the Thief of My Heart was placed into my arms and well....
...that's certainly the gift that keeps on giving!
Not one Christmas goes by that I don't think of that situation, how the plans for my future came to a screeching halt when I saw a (+) sign. Gone were the days of College Calculus where (+) signs meant something significant in a mathematical equation.
(+) meant baby. And that meant I had a great deal of growing up to do.... and FAST.
It wasn't the end of the world, in fact it was the beginning of a different world that dug deep into my core and taught me way more about "life" in the 11 years that have followed than I ever would've learned from a textbook and a pre-planned-trouble-free life that I had hoped for myself at that point.
***
I always wanted a big family. 3 or 4 kids... a nice home... good job... (never really was the stay-at-home-mom type) and a husband that loved me.
A few years ago, after having some female issues, I decided that I wasn't quite ready to do anything permanent to prevent future children.
I was open to the possibility of getting married someday, and if my husband wanted children, as a woman, I'd provide.
But I knew that I didn't want to wait too long, because my kids would be getting older as well and I didn't want to start over with a new baby when my older children were almost grown.
So, I chose the 5-year plan for Birth Control. It helped solve my female issues without doing anything permanently and I knew if I didn't have another baby within 5 years, I wasn't interested.
Finally about 18 months ago, I decided that I was at peace with the fact that I was not having any more children. Admittedly, it was a bit tough to swallow (not that i'm not thankful for the 2 I have)... but I absolutely love the way it feels to be pregnant, bonding with a sweet human being that you created.
And I'll never have that again.
I decided that if I were to ever have any more kids, they'd already have been born; meaning that I'd be very open to loving 'bonus' children (i don't like the word 'step'), but there would be no more children coming from this momma!
Since making that decision, I've had such an immense amount of joy watching some of my dearest friends become mothers.
Whenever I need a baby-fix, I simply call up one of my friends that has a baby, head to her house, feed the baby a bottle, change a few diapers, take a few pictures maybe buy it something fun and baby-like and then...
(this is the best part)....
I get to go home!!!!!
Yes, that sweet place called home... sans baby.
And watching my friends morph from women to mothers....?
Priceless.
I know the feeling... the feeling only a mom has when she looks at her child that is just absolutely the definition of near-perfection.
Been there. Done that.
I'm not sure what age that changes, but I will tell you that my 11 year old son stinks, is rude and makes noises out of his body that no one should.
He is no longer near-perfection.
(So... enjoy while you can ladies) haha.
Thank Goodness for Unconditional Love.... that boy better be thankful!
I love watching my mom-friends get excited at first words, first steps, first this, first that.... it's so sweet. And thankfully, my kids are over their monumental firsts, so I'm not busy worrying about my own kids' firsts... i get to experience those fun things with everyone else's babies.
Can it get any better?
This weekend, I found out from one of my sweetest friends that has been battling infertility for almost 2 years that...
they are expecting.
Not to sound obsessed ... but I almost was in tears because of the overflowing happiness I had for this sweet family.
Thank Goodness I have not experienced infertility, but I know from being on the journey with her over the last 2 years that it is heart wrenching. I felt her pain so many times and wished so much that I could just give her another baby to love.
And now....
prayers answered.
She goes today for her ultrasound to confirm that everything is ok and i'm pretty sure I feel like I'm the mom waiting to see my baby! I am just so over-the-moon excited for her.
Yet another baby to love.
Being a mom so young was definitely not the way that I had my life planned, but I am so, so thankful that I have the opportunity to share in the joy of my friends who are having their children now.
So, this Thanksgiving week, I'm especially thankful for my own sweet Children who didn't arrive in the package I had "planned" in my head, but arrived packaged straight from God's plan and right into my life. What a priviledge it is, to be their mother.
I'm thankful for my sweet guy and his little boy who absolutely melts my heart when he wants me to cuddle with him. What more could a 'mom' ask for than acceptance from a child that doesn't have to?
...and all of my dear friends who have (or are going to have very soon...) the cutest little babies that will let me feed them, change their diaper, love on them, tell them how perfect they are and then run like the wind when they start crying :)
I'm the lucky one.
Ever heard of the "gift" that keeps on giving?
In all my infinite 19 year old wisdom, I was not aware that antibiotics cancel out birth control pills.
And so the story of my sweet son was written over that Christmas break. Mid-January I found out that I was going to be a mom and by September 11th... the Thief of My Heart was placed into my arms and well....
...that's certainly the gift that keeps on giving!
Not one Christmas goes by that I don't think of that situation, how the plans for my future came to a screeching halt when I saw a (+) sign. Gone were the days of College Calculus where (+) signs meant something significant in a mathematical equation.
(+) meant baby. And that meant I had a great deal of growing up to do.... and FAST.
It wasn't the end of the world, in fact it was the beginning of a different world that dug deep into my core and taught me way more about "life" in the 11 years that have followed than I ever would've learned from a textbook and a pre-planned-trouble-free life that I had hoped for myself at that point.
***
I always wanted a big family. 3 or 4 kids... a nice home... good job... (never really was the stay-at-home-mom type) and a husband that loved me.
A few years ago, after having some female issues, I decided that I wasn't quite ready to do anything permanent to prevent future children.
I was open to the possibility of getting married someday, and if my husband wanted children, as a woman, I'd provide.
But I knew that I didn't want to wait too long, because my kids would be getting older as well and I didn't want to start over with a new baby when my older children were almost grown.
So, I chose the 5-year plan for Birth Control. It helped solve my female issues without doing anything permanently and I knew if I didn't have another baby within 5 years, I wasn't interested.
Finally about 18 months ago, I decided that I was at peace with the fact that I was not having any more children. Admittedly, it was a bit tough to swallow (not that i'm not thankful for the 2 I have)... but I absolutely love the way it feels to be pregnant, bonding with a sweet human being that you created.
And I'll never have that again.
I decided that if I were to ever have any more kids, they'd already have been born; meaning that I'd be very open to loving 'bonus' children (i don't like the word 'step'), but there would be no more children coming from this momma!
Since making that decision, I've had such an immense amount of joy watching some of my dearest friends become mothers.
Whenever I need a baby-fix, I simply call up one of my friends that has a baby, head to her house, feed the baby a bottle, change a few diapers, take a few pictures maybe buy it something fun and baby-like and then...
(this is the best part)....
I get to go home!!!!!
Yes, that sweet place called home... sans baby.
And watching my friends morph from women to mothers....?
Priceless.
I know the feeling... the feeling only a mom has when she looks at her child that is just absolutely the definition of near-perfection.
Been there. Done that.
I'm not sure what age that changes, but I will tell you that my 11 year old son stinks, is rude and makes noises out of his body that no one should.
He is no longer near-perfection.
(So... enjoy while you can ladies) haha.
Thank Goodness for Unconditional Love.... that boy better be thankful!
I love watching my mom-friends get excited at first words, first steps, first this, first that.... it's so sweet. And thankfully, my kids are over their monumental firsts, so I'm not busy worrying about my own kids' firsts... i get to experience those fun things with everyone else's babies.
Can it get any better?
This weekend, I found out from one of my sweetest friends that has been battling infertility for almost 2 years that...
they are expecting.
Not to sound obsessed ... but I almost was in tears because of the overflowing happiness I had for this sweet family.
Thank Goodness I have not experienced infertility, but I know from being on the journey with her over the last 2 years that it is heart wrenching. I felt her pain so many times and wished so much that I could just give her another baby to love.
And now....
prayers answered.
She goes today for her ultrasound to confirm that everything is ok and i'm pretty sure I feel like I'm the mom waiting to see my baby! I am just so over-the-moon excited for her.
Yet another baby to love.
Being a mom so young was definitely not the way that I had my life planned, but I am so, so thankful that I have the opportunity to share in the joy of my friends who are having their children now.
So, this Thanksgiving week, I'm especially thankful for my own sweet Children who didn't arrive in the package I had "planned" in my head, but arrived packaged straight from God's plan and right into my life. What a priviledge it is, to be their mother.
I'm thankful for my sweet guy and his little boy who absolutely melts my heart when he wants me to cuddle with him. What more could a 'mom' ask for than acceptance from a child that doesn't have to?
...and all of my dear friends who have (or are going to have very soon...) the cutest little babies that will let me feed them, change their diaper, love on them, tell them how perfect they are and then run like the wind when they start crying :)
I'm the lucky one.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Sailing
I've never lost anyone close to me before, so this whole experience with my Grandma passing has been a learning experience. One that, I would prefer to not have to 'learn' about, but the reality is, many people don't have their Grandparents, so for me to still have both of mine for 31 years, is a blessing... for sure.
I knew it would be difficult for me to deal with, but I've been doing ok. I have my days - this morning was one of them - where I realize the reality of her passing. And that's tough.
But my sweet Bekah is really struggling with it.
She's very emotional, soft hearted and caring to begin with. Add the fact that she's too young to really understand death and grieving, and it's been quite a challenge for me. Both fortunately and unfortunately, because I had never had anyone of significance in my life pass away before now, I don't have any kind of an example to follow on how my parents did or did not handle this situation.
So, as with many things in life... I trudge through the best I can.
If you know me very well, you probably know that I think through most things, entirely too much. In some instances, I am clearly a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of person. But in other situations, especially when it comes to my children, I like to think things through as to how (whatever it is) would impact my children and how to help them cope.
When it came to my Grandma's passing, I wanted to prepare them for everything. I wanted nothing to be a shock to them throughout the funeral process.
(and yes, i'm one of those moms that has the birds and the bees talk with her kids before the school does.)
But anyway - from the moment the kids and I found out at the hospital that my Grandma didn't make it, after I pulled myself together, I offered them the opportunity to see her in her room at the hospital. Some may agree, others may disagree, but I wanted them to make that decision on their own.
My mom and I wanted to see her before the Funeral Home picked her up, and the kids decided that they did too. I tried to explain that what they would see in that room, is just her "Earth Suit". A costume of sorts that we all wear, but once our time on Earth is over, and our Earth Suit retires, the core of our being, our spirit, goes to Heaven and is very alive and happy.
I know not all people share my belief on the whole God and Heaven thing, but for now this is how I explain it to my kids.
They went in the room to see Grandma one last time, but didn't stay long. I didn't expect them to, but thought they should have the opportunity. I don't want "death" to freak them out, because it is a reality and in their lives, they will lose many people they love. I was hoping to lay a good foundation now.
So, in the days that followed, Chas was pretty quiet, while Bekah asked a lot more questions. Each of them I tried to answer as honestly and child-friendly as I could. I explained exactly what Grandma would be wearing when we saw her at the funeral home, and how she'd probably look so comfortable we'd think she was sleeping. I let the kids pick out their own little bouquet of flowers and write a note to put in the casket with her before they closed it.
I talked about the cemetary and how she'd be buried in a vault, etc and how they would do all of that after we left. Some of it I think they understood. Other parts, probably not.
After the funeral, we went to the cemetary before the flowers were taken off her grave so the kids could see it. I've tried to show them every single phase that is possible.
Bekah is scared to death to walk around my house alone. She's afraid that Grandma is in every room, under blankets, etc. In her simple mind, I think she believes my grandma is hiding. But on the same token, just the other day - she mentioned that she missed her and started crying about how she'll never ever get to see her again.
It broke my heart.
What do you say to that?
Sure, there's the cliche' ..."oh we'll see Grandma when we get to heaven." ..that just sparks a whole different set of questions that are even harder to answer for an almost 8 year old.
This is some really tough stuff.
Something I'm not sure we're ever prepared for, but I'm certainly doing my best to deal with it realisticially and empathetically.
With that being said, her other Great Grandma (her dad's g-ma) is in the hospital now. And instantly Bekah is in tears, "I don't want Granny to die!" Bless her heart.
What am I supposed to say? I mean, we thought everything was ok with my Grandma and then BOOM. Gone.
So, I continue to lean on the Faith that we have in our hearts and the God that I've taught her to believe in and remind her that He is the only one that knows when Granny's last day will be.
I can't promise her that she'll be ok and then have the same thing happen again.
If I were to practice what I preach, I wouldn't be selfishly praying that "Granny" be ok, at least for a few more months until we can all heal from my Grandma's passing. But I admit. I am.
When I went to the hospital with Bekah to see her Granny, it was tough. Tougher than I expected.
Part of me was so sad inside, that she was suffering.
Another part of me was worried sick that she would pass and then they would all be hurting like I was.... and am.
Then another small part of me, admittedly was jealous; that they still had their Grandma - and I didn't.
So, right now, I'm just praying that Granny will be ok, because I don't know how I will be able to help Bekah get through another death, so quickly.
On the bright side, spending time with my Grandpa, helping him run errands and taking care of him has been such a huge honor for me. I've always loved my Grandpa dearly, possibly because he's the only 'man' in my life that's ever loved me consistently, no matter what my faults or successes. ...and as his only Granddaughter, I feel that he might feel the same way about me.
He's been learning how to take care of himself, all while grieving the loss of his wife, the mother of his children and quite possibly, his best friend of 56 years. It's bittersweet. But I am so, so thankful for the talks in the car that he and I have had. For the opportunities to tell him that I love him and to calm his worries about everything from money to laundry.
The waters I'm sailing are most certainly uncharted for me, however I think I'm navigating alright. Trying to ride the waves and prepare my little sailors as well as possible for the journeys ahead.
I knew it would be difficult for me to deal with, but I've been doing ok. I have my days - this morning was one of them - where I realize the reality of her passing. And that's tough.
But my sweet Bekah is really struggling with it.
She's very emotional, soft hearted and caring to begin with. Add the fact that she's too young to really understand death and grieving, and it's been quite a challenge for me. Both fortunately and unfortunately, because I had never had anyone of significance in my life pass away before now, I don't have any kind of an example to follow on how my parents did or did not handle this situation.
So, as with many things in life... I trudge through the best I can.
If you know me very well, you probably know that I think through most things, entirely too much. In some instances, I am clearly a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of person. But in other situations, especially when it comes to my children, I like to think things through as to how (whatever it is) would impact my children and how to help them cope.
When it came to my Grandma's passing, I wanted to prepare them for everything. I wanted nothing to be a shock to them throughout the funeral process.
(and yes, i'm one of those moms that has the birds and the bees talk with her kids before the school does.)
But anyway - from the moment the kids and I found out at the hospital that my Grandma didn't make it, after I pulled myself together, I offered them the opportunity to see her in her room at the hospital. Some may agree, others may disagree, but I wanted them to make that decision on their own.
My mom and I wanted to see her before the Funeral Home picked her up, and the kids decided that they did too. I tried to explain that what they would see in that room, is just her "Earth Suit". A costume of sorts that we all wear, but once our time on Earth is over, and our Earth Suit retires, the core of our being, our spirit, goes to Heaven and is very alive and happy.
I know not all people share my belief on the whole God and Heaven thing, but for now this is how I explain it to my kids.
They went in the room to see Grandma one last time, but didn't stay long. I didn't expect them to, but thought they should have the opportunity. I don't want "death" to freak them out, because it is a reality and in their lives, they will lose many people they love. I was hoping to lay a good foundation now.
So, in the days that followed, Chas was pretty quiet, while Bekah asked a lot more questions. Each of them I tried to answer as honestly and child-friendly as I could. I explained exactly what Grandma would be wearing when we saw her at the funeral home, and how she'd probably look so comfortable we'd think she was sleeping. I let the kids pick out their own little bouquet of flowers and write a note to put in the casket with her before they closed it.
I talked about the cemetary and how she'd be buried in a vault, etc and how they would do all of that after we left. Some of it I think they understood. Other parts, probably not.
After the funeral, we went to the cemetary before the flowers were taken off her grave so the kids could see it. I've tried to show them every single phase that is possible.
Bekah is scared to death to walk around my house alone. She's afraid that Grandma is in every room, under blankets, etc. In her simple mind, I think she believes my grandma is hiding. But on the same token, just the other day - she mentioned that she missed her and started crying about how she'll never ever get to see her again.
It broke my heart.
What do you say to that?
Sure, there's the cliche' ..."oh we'll see Grandma when we get to heaven." ..that just sparks a whole different set of questions that are even harder to answer for an almost 8 year old.
This is some really tough stuff.
Something I'm not sure we're ever prepared for, but I'm certainly doing my best to deal with it realisticially and empathetically.
With that being said, her other Great Grandma (her dad's g-ma) is in the hospital now. And instantly Bekah is in tears, "I don't want Granny to die!" Bless her heart.
What am I supposed to say? I mean, we thought everything was ok with my Grandma and then BOOM. Gone.
So, I continue to lean on the Faith that we have in our hearts and the God that I've taught her to believe in and remind her that He is the only one that knows when Granny's last day will be.
I can't promise her that she'll be ok and then have the same thing happen again.
If I were to practice what I preach, I wouldn't be selfishly praying that "Granny" be ok, at least for a few more months until we can all heal from my Grandma's passing. But I admit. I am.
When I went to the hospital with Bekah to see her Granny, it was tough. Tougher than I expected.
Part of me was so sad inside, that she was suffering.
Another part of me was worried sick that she would pass and then they would all be hurting like I was.... and am.
Then another small part of me, admittedly was jealous; that they still had their Grandma - and I didn't.
So, right now, I'm just praying that Granny will be ok, because I don't know how I will be able to help Bekah get through another death, so quickly.
On the bright side, spending time with my Grandpa, helping him run errands and taking care of him has been such a huge honor for me. I've always loved my Grandpa dearly, possibly because he's the only 'man' in my life that's ever loved me consistently, no matter what my faults or successes. ...and as his only Granddaughter, I feel that he might feel the same way about me.
He's been learning how to take care of himself, all while grieving the loss of his wife, the mother of his children and quite possibly, his best friend of 56 years. It's bittersweet. But I am so, so thankful for the talks in the car that he and I have had. For the opportunities to tell him that I love him and to calm his worries about everything from money to laundry.
The waters I'm sailing are most certainly uncharted for me, however I think I'm navigating alright. Trying to ride the waves and prepare my little sailors as well as possible for the journeys ahead.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Africa
I've had Missions Trips on my heart alot lately; as my church is going on a Mission Trip to Africa next summer and it's really made me want to join them. Not sure if it's a possibility logistically, but nonetheless - it's been on my mind and heart pretty heavily lately.
With that being said, last night I had a dream that I actually went on the trip. Except it was nothing like I thought. I was completely unprepared, which isn't normal for me, especially when it comes to traveling. I remember in my dream, landing on a plane in Africa and realizing that I'd forgotten my cell phone charger.... and most importantly... my camera.
How in the world did I forget my camera when I was on a trip to Africa?? No idea.
But I did.
And I was absolutely devastated.
In my dream, I felt really uneasy, like maybe I hadn't prepared well enough at home, with getting my kids ready for me to be away, so long story short, my mission trip was cut short and I returned home quickly.
But I would really, really love to do something like that sometime. Moreso though, when Chas is a tad bit older as I think he'd really benefit from seeing the world in a less-than-glorious fashion. I really want him to understand the needs of others as well as serve them in whatever capacity that is.
Serve "the least of these" ; novel concept, eh?
I think it's one thing to provide for your child in a way that makes sure that their needs and wants are met.
But it's a completely different story when you expose them to the world.
The real world.
The kind of exposure that burrows into their hearts for a really long time and turns them into genuine people. Ones that care for others and put others in front of themselves.
Maybe that's just my view, but I would absolutely love to share that opportunity with my children; one-on-one.
When I was 13, I traveled to the UK and Ireland as a Student Abassador. Was the trip great, amazing, wonderful, etc?
Yes
Was it life-changing....
Yes, but not in the way that really changes your heart.
So maybe I should put it this way... and perhaps this will give me some 'push' to start a separate account to save for such trips....
Just thinking outloud here...
but how awesome would it be if I could take each of my children one-on-one to two different "life changing" places in their lives. Perhaps, during their impressionable years (say 12-14)... take them on a Mission Trip to a different part of the world - whether it be Latin America, Africa, etc. And then, maybe as a graduation gift or something similar... take them to a more modernized area of the world, so for instance UK, Europe, etc.
I dunno, but I think that would be a goal to work towards that would benefit them more than any kind of material possessions. And quite possibly play a key role in turning them into the type of people that I want them to be as they grow up.
They don't have to be the smartest kids in the class to make me happy.
They don't have to go to college and get their trusty diploma to make me proud.
They don't have to achieve some grand position at a company making thousands of dollars annually to make me think they are successful.
My love and acceptance isn't based on success....
What would make me happy, proud and think they are successful is if they end up being selfless servants of others. Always looking out for others' feelings, showing their appreciation for others and willingness to help in times of need. Lacking judgement and showing only love and compassion, no matter who the people are.
That's what I want for them.
And I think it's my job to provide them opportuntities to learn that.
With that being said, last night I had a dream that I actually went on the trip. Except it was nothing like I thought. I was completely unprepared, which isn't normal for me, especially when it comes to traveling. I remember in my dream, landing on a plane in Africa and realizing that I'd forgotten my cell phone charger.... and most importantly... my camera.
How in the world did I forget my camera when I was on a trip to Africa?? No idea.
But I did.
And I was absolutely devastated.
In my dream, I felt really uneasy, like maybe I hadn't prepared well enough at home, with getting my kids ready for me to be away, so long story short, my mission trip was cut short and I returned home quickly.
But I would really, really love to do something like that sometime. Moreso though, when Chas is a tad bit older as I think he'd really benefit from seeing the world in a less-than-glorious fashion. I really want him to understand the needs of others as well as serve them in whatever capacity that is.
Serve "the least of these" ; novel concept, eh?
I think it's one thing to provide for your child in a way that makes sure that their needs and wants are met.
But it's a completely different story when you expose them to the world.
The real world.
The kind of exposure that burrows into their hearts for a really long time and turns them into genuine people. Ones that care for others and put others in front of themselves.
Maybe that's just my view, but I would absolutely love to share that opportunity with my children; one-on-one.
When I was 13, I traveled to the UK and Ireland as a Student Abassador. Was the trip great, amazing, wonderful, etc?
Yes
Was it life-changing....
Yes, but not in the way that really changes your heart.
So maybe I should put it this way... and perhaps this will give me some 'push' to start a separate account to save for such trips....
Just thinking outloud here...
but how awesome would it be if I could take each of my children one-on-one to two different "life changing" places in their lives. Perhaps, during their impressionable years (say 12-14)... take them on a Mission Trip to a different part of the world - whether it be Latin America, Africa, etc. And then, maybe as a graduation gift or something similar... take them to a more modernized area of the world, so for instance UK, Europe, etc.
I dunno, but I think that would be a goal to work towards that would benefit them more than any kind of material possessions. And quite possibly play a key role in turning them into the type of people that I want them to be as they grow up.
They don't have to be the smartest kids in the class to make me happy.
They don't have to go to college and get their trusty diploma to make me proud.
They don't have to achieve some grand position at a company making thousands of dollars annually to make me think they are successful.
My love and acceptance isn't based on success....
What would make me happy, proud and think they are successful is if they end up being selfless servants of others. Always looking out for others' feelings, showing their appreciation for others and willingness to help in times of need. Lacking judgement and showing only love and compassion, no matter who the people are.
That's what I want for them.
And I think it's my job to provide them opportuntities to learn that.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Card Maker
It was like a serious episode of deja-vu.... almost as if I were reliving something that had happened previously in my life.
I decided to surf the Hallmark.com website; just to see what kinds of interesting cards they had online verses in store. I'm always a sucker for a good card. The kind of card that says everything you wanted to say, but couldn't be creative enough to think up.
I was looking at some of the personalized cards that you could make and had a moment ....
...where I remembered walking into the old CVS... or maybe it was Revco. I don't think it was Hook's... I think it was somewhere between Hooks and CVS... but anyway - you'd walk in the front doors and head to the "card" section to look for the most appropriate card when...
...a big machine would catch your eye.
Instantly made/printed personalized cards!!!
Say it isn't so?!
Does anyone else remember those sweet machines? I can still hear the way they sounded when they pulled the pre-folded paper from the tray, and began dropping ink in the appropriate spaces to match the card you'd selected on the little screen.
Instant and Personalized.
Novel Concept.
I suppose technology got in the way of those sweet card machines... and they went away; and to be honest... I'd forgotten those machines even existed.
I decided to surf the Hallmark.com website; just to see what kinds of interesting cards they had online verses in store. I'm always a sucker for a good card. The kind of card that says everything you wanted to say, but couldn't be creative enough to think up.
I was looking at some of the personalized cards that you could make and had a moment ....
...where I remembered walking into the old CVS... or maybe it was Revco. I don't think it was Hook's... I think it was somewhere between Hooks and CVS... but anyway - you'd walk in the front doors and head to the "card" section to look for the most appropriate card when...
...a big machine would catch your eye.
Instantly made/printed personalized cards!!!
Say it isn't so?!
Does anyone else remember those sweet machines? I can still hear the way they sounded when they pulled the pre-folded paper from the tray, and began dropping ink in the appropriate spaces to match the card you'd selected on the little screen.
Instant and Personalized.
Novel Concept.
I suppose technology got in the way of those sweet card machines... and they went away; and to be honest... I'd forgotten those machines even existed.
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