Sometimes I struggle with the 'seasons' we go through as human beings in friendships. I know it's a normal cycle of life, where some friends play a significant role in your life for many years, then move on; but I still struggle with the reality of that fact.
Then, you have other friends that you don't talk to for months, and out of the blue, they call - and you reconnect like you talk daily.
There's one part of me that easily accepts those seasons and is extremely thankful for those individuals that are in my life at this time and provide good, strong friendships. Then, there's the other part that sees my 'old' friends moving on with their lives, not caring about mine, not reaching out to chat, see what's up or offering to hang out.
For a moment, admittedly, I slip into a victim mentality where I start hosting a pity-party for myself and get all worked up about why no one calls me to do things.... then I remember that I am extremely busy with work, kids, school, etc and probably don't have time to be with them anyway. And regardless, we've gone through some changes in the past year or so, and probably wouldn't enjoy hanging out with them anyway.
And just as space has come in between me and some of my old friends, that space has been filled with the love and enjoyment of the 80's Ladies, so I"m not even sure why I am phased by this situation. I think it's human nature to want to be accepted and needed; so when that void is present, we tend to get pessimistic.
I heard a quote in church this morning that made me really think about that pity party I was having...
"The bus you're on right now, may not be the bus that will take you where you need to go."
I thought about it a little deeper and thought, not only about the 'bus i'm on' ... but also about who's on the bus with me. Those individuals from whom I've grown apart recently rode on the bus with me for a long time. We got eachother through some pretty crazy 'stuff' during our ride... but maybe ... just maybe.... they got on a different bus; to a different destination.
As did I.
And that's alright!
Maybe there are some new people on the bus with me now. And maybe they'll play a different role in my life. Or, maybe at some point, we'll pull up to a bus stop and those people will exit.
Who knows.
For now though, I'm going to remind myself of this analogy in order to help me be thankful for the people that are in my life right now and are able to stay on the bus with me for a little while... or a long while :) Whichever.
This weekend was a great weekend. After the crazy week I'd had last week, I was so, so thankful to be able to relax and just be low-key.
Depending on the week we have this week, I told the kids they could possibly have friends spend the night on Friday night. It's been a while since they've had a fun evening at home with friends, so we may just have to make that happen.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
New Normal
With what may be one of the saddest days of my life behind me, it's now time to adjust to a new way of life, without Grandma. Our once weekly lunches will now turn into lunch dates with just me and my Grandpa, which is just fine with me. The time alone with my Grandpa is something that I will begin to cherish even more in the weeks and months ahead. Because this was all such a shock to him, he is so appreciative of anything people do for him. The holidays will undoubtedly be a difficult time for all of us, but this is the way it was supposed to work out, and so we have to embrace the change, as a family and move forward.
My house is a total disaster. Being in and out so much the past week, it has just went downhill quickly. So, at some point in the next couple of weeks, I really need to do a thorough cleaning. I was preparing to do so anyway, with Christmas coming up, but now it's just been compounded by people in and out, food deliveries, flowers, etc and it looks like a live-in funeral home has been robbed! What a mess.
If you stop by, don't judge. But i'd recommend you just don't stop by :)
One of my classes for school is coming to an end, which is nice because I can spend the last month of school focusing on Econ; which I enjoy, but takes a lot of focus and studying. I only missed 3 on my Mid-Term, and my final grade will be no lower than my Final, so I'm really hoping to get another A on my final so I can get an A in the class. I messed up on a couple of homeworks and got C's, so I was hoping to not have those pull my grade down to a B. If it happens, it will be ok, but really wanted to keep my grades at the A mark.
Trick-or-Treating was pretty fun this year, despite the circumstances. Bekah went dressed as a mummy/zombie and Chas went in his crazy guille suit AGAIN. He's about to outgrow Trick-or-Treating, so he just threw on the obnoxious net from last year and went with some of his friends around the neighborhood. If I were a good mom, I'd run and get my camera card to upload a picture of Bek. ...but I'm too lazy. Please excuse me for that.
I am so ready for Christmas. I normally have most of my shopping done by now, and admittedly, I'm no where near done... however I love that time of year. I love the time with friends that are like family, getting together for yummy food, gift exchanges and memories. It's such a nostalgic time of year from the decorating to the smell of everyone's homes as you walk in with an armful of gifts.
I'm a bit embarrassed to say that by this time last year, I already had my Christmas stuff staged in my garage and ready to come in the house. Not so much this year, but it's on my mind. I know, I know... it's too soon. But whatever.
Since I got my new furniture, I had the revelation that there's not as much room in my family room for the Christmas Tree. That could pose for a bit of an issue. Add the fact that I moved my sofa table out of my family room and into my front room/office and that compounds the issue that I don't have enough space in my front room for the second Christmas tree.
Suffice it to say that there's a good possibility my house and furniture arrangement may just look a bit "awkward" throughout the month of November/December.
Deal with it.
Or don't come over.
HA!
I think that's about it for now. A few of my friends are doing a little November Challenge of things they are thankful for in honor of Thanksgiving. I just don't think I can keep the commitment right now of updating this crazy blog every day.... kudos to those that can do it, but I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm just not that good.
However, I will say that today... I am thankful for......
hmmmm...
(trying to think outside the box here, because y'all know i'm thankful for my kids, family, etc)
soooo I think I will say that I am super thankful for DEVILED EGGS!
At the funeral dinner, someone friggen NAILED the Deviled Egg recipe to the point that my daughter asked me if I loved them so much, why don't I marry them.
It was all I could do to not pop a bit of egg shell on my left hand ring finger and call it a done deal. I know it's a bit of an "egg"aggeration, but it would be absolutely "egg"cellent if I could spend the rest of my life eating Deviled Eggs.
I know, that was corny. Bear with me here.... it's been a rough week :)
My house is a total disaster. Being in and out so much the past week, it has just went downhill quickly. So, at some point in the next couple of weeks, I really need to do a thorough cleaning. I was preparing to do so anyway, with Christmas coming up, but now it's just been compounded by people in and out, food deliveries, flowers, etc and it looks like a live-in funeral home has been robbed! What a mess.
If you stop by, don't judge. But i'd recommend you just don't stop by :)
One of my classes for school is coming to an end, which is nice because I can spend the last month of school focusing on Econ; which I enjoy, but takes a lot of focus and studying. I only missed 3 on my Mid-Term, and my final grade will be no lower than my Final, so I'm really hoping to get another A on my final so I can get an A in the class. I messed up on a couple of homeworks and got C's, so I was hoping to not have those pull my grade down to a B. If it happens, it will be ok, but really wanted to keep my grades at the A mark.
Trick-or-Treating was pretty fun this year, despite the circumstances. Bekah went dressed as a mummy/zombie and Chas went in his crazy guille suit AGAIN. He's about to outgrow Trick-or-Treating, so he just threw on the obnoxious net from last year and went with some of his friends around the neighborhood. If I were a good mom, I'd run and get my camera card to upload a picture of Bek. ...but I'm too lazy. Please excuse me for that.
I am so ready for Christmas. I normally have most of my shopping done by now, and admittedly, I'm no where near done... however I love that time of year. I love the time with friends that are like family, getting together for yummy food, gift exchanges and memories. It's such a nostalgic time of year from the decorating to the smell of everyone's homes as you walk in with an armful of gifts.
I'm a bit embarrassed to say that by this time last year, I already had my Christmas stuff staged in my garage and ready to come in the house. Not so much this year, but it's on my mind. I know, I know... it's too soon. But whatever.
Since I got my new furniture, I had the revelation that there's not as much room in my family room for the Christmas Tree. That could pose for a bit of an issue. Add the fact that I moved my sofa table out of my family room and into my front room/office and that compounds the issue that I don't have enough space in my front room for the second Christmas tree.
Suffice it to say that there's a good possibility my house and furniture arrangement may just look a bit "awkward" throughout the month of November/December.
Deal with it.
Or don't come over.
HA!
I think that's about it for now. A few of my friends are doing a little November Challenge of things they are thankful for in honor of Thanksgiving. I just don't think I can keep the commitment right now of updating this crazy blog every day.... kudos to those that can do it, but I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm just not that good.
However, I will say that today... I am thankful for......
hmmmm...
(trying to think outside the box here, because y'all know i'm thankful for my kids, family, etc)
soooo I think I will say that I am super thankful for DEVILED EGGS!
At the funeral dinner, someone friggen NAILED the Deviled Egg recipe to the point that my daughter asked me if I loved them so much, why don't I marry them.
It was all I could do to not pop a bit of egg shell on my left hand ring finger and call it a done deal. I know it's a bit of an "egg"aggeration, but it would be absolutely "egg"cellent if I could spend the rest of my life eating Deviled Eggs.
I know, that was corny. Bear with me here.... it's been a rough week :)
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Because She Loved Me
A Few Things I learned from my Grandma:
1.) It's ok to believe whatever you want to believe. Just stand by what you believe, no matter what.
2.) Always, always.... stand by your family. Even when they make mistakes, be there for them.
3.) Homemade buttercream icing is the best. And it's easy to make; if you just watch Grandma.
4.) Offer your humble assistance, but don't force it. Let people know that you're willing, but if they don't accept your help, let it be.
5.) Be prepared. For everything. Worry enough to make you prepared in case "anything happens"; if that time ever comes, no matter what the situation.... your family will thank you.
6.) Put others first, think of their needs often, but do not, under any circumstances EVER allow ANYONE to walk all over you. Be tough.
7.) It's ok to have way too much furniture and "stuff". Even if it feels like your house is never fully cleaned and picked up; if all that furniture makes you happy, for whatever reason... that's ok. Just be happy. And proud.
8.) A new bedspread really does make a difference. Don't worry if you have more bed spreads than days of the month. Just be happy.
9.) A necklace, rings or a good bracelet makes any outfit better.
10.) Take any and every opportunity to be with the people you love. Drive by to just say 'hi'. Give them a little something to tell them you're thinking of them.
Tell people how much they mean to you.
Thursday afternoon, as I was sitting at the hospital with my Grandma, she told me things she'd never said before; and things I needed to hear. She told me that she's always felt, no matter what the circumstances were, whether it be my childhood 'situations' or the issues that I've had in my adult life, that I've always handled things so well. Exemplary. Above Par. And she was proud.
I needed to hear that. I knew she loved me, but I needed to hear that she was proud of me, despite some of the mistakes I'd made.
She never judged.
When she started saying the things she did that day, I knew she was closing the book of her life. Saying the things she needed to say and leaving her last bit of peace and acceptance for my heart to hold onto.
She was scheduled for her bypass surgery this Thursday; which was going to be a risky procedure.
She visited with my Grandpa on Saturday morning and early afternoon. After my mom went to pick my Grandpa up to take him home for the day, Grandma called her sister. The one she talked to every single day.
After she finished the call with her sister, she went downhill. Within about 15 minutes, she was gone.
Quick.
Easy.
Without Suffering.
Without any of her loved ones present to witness what would be the last minutes of her life.
That's exactly how she would've wanted to go.
I'm so thankful for the hours I spent with Grandma in the three days before she passed. The demands of life can often get in the way, but this was an opportunity that could've easily been passed and never replaced. There are no words that can express my gratitude to my boss and employer for understanding that family comes first, no matter what.
Undoubtedly, life will resume and go back to the way it used to be. We'll establish a new norm that doesn't include Grandma driving her maroon buick around the corner and turning into my driveway to deliver bags of assorted candies to my kids. Those will be the moments I miss her most.
My life isn't poorer now that she's gone, but rather richer not only because I loved her but because she loved me.
1.) It's ok to believe whatever you want to believe. Just stand by what you believe, no matter what.
2.) Always, always.... stand by your family. Even when they make mistakes, be there for them.
3.) Homemade buttercream icing is the best. And it's easy to make; if you just watch Grandma.
4.) Offer your humble assistance, but don't force it. Let people know that you're willing, but if they don't accept your help, let it be.
5.) Be prepared. For everything. Worry enough to make you prepared in case "anything happens"; if that time ever comes, no matter what the situation.... your family will thank you.
6.) Put others first, think of their needs often, but do not, under any circumstances EVER allow ANYONE to walk all over you. Be tough.
7.) It's ok to have way too much furniture and "stuff". Even if it feels like your house is never fully cleaned and picked up; if all that furniture makes you happy, for whatever reason... that's ok. Just be happy. And proud.
8.) A new bedspread really does make a difference. Don't worry if you have more bed spreads than days of the month. Just be happy.
9.) A necklace, rings or a good bracelet makes any outfit better.
10.) Take any and every opportunity to be with the people you love. Drive by to just say 'hi'. Give them a little something to tell them you're thinking of them.
Tell people how much they mean to you.
Thursday afternoon, as I was sitting at the hospital with my Grandma, she told me things she'd never said before; and things I needed to hear. She told me that she's always felt, no matter what the circumstances were, whether it be my childhood 'situations' or the issues that I've had in my adult life, that I've always handled things so well. Exemplary. Above Par. And she was proud.
I needed to hear that. I knew she loved me, but I needed to hear that she was proud of me, despite some of the mistakes I'd made.
She never judged.
When she started saying the things she did that day, I knew she was closing the book of her life. Saying the things she needed to say and leaving her last bit of peace and acceptance for my heart to hold onto.
She was scheduled for her bypass surgery this Thursday; which was going to be a risky procedure.
She visited with my Grandpa on Saturday morning and early afternoon. After my mom went to pick my Grandpa up to take him home for the day, Grandma called her sister. The one she talked to every single day.
After she finished the call with her sister, she went downhill. Within about 15 minutes, she was gone.
Quick.
Easy.
Without Suffering.
Without any of her loved ones present to witness what would be the last minutes of her life.
That's exactly how she would've wanted to go.
I'm so thankful for the hours I spent with Grandma in the three days before she passed. The demands of life can often get in the way, but this was an opportunity that could've easily been passed and never replaced. There are no words that can express my gratitude to my boss and employer for understanding that family comes first, no matter what.
Undoubtedly, life will resume and go back to the way it used to be. We'll establish a new norm that doesn't include Grandma driving her maroon buick around the corner and turning into my driveway to deliver bags of assorted candies to my kids. Those will be the moments I miss her most.
My life isn't poorer now that she's gone, but rather richer not only because I loved her but because she loved me.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Heart Attack
If you've ever thought of me as stubborn, hard headed, or determined ... I come by it honestly. My grandma is exactly the same way. My mom and I are very opposite in many ways; and in the same ways my grandma and I are very similar. Just like with me, you just have to know her to appreciate her.
Anyway - the last couple of days have been nothing less than a total whirlwind, leaving me sitting here at home on a Thursday evening hungry for a good night's sleep and a deep, meaningfull, heartfelt hug; you know, the kind that lets a person know they don't have to be strong all the time.
Monday evening, my grandma starting having some chest pains. I didn't know anything about it at this point, but by Tuesday morning, she called her family doctor for an appointment. Now, in my opinion, when the Dr's office heard the words "chest pain" they should have insisted she go to the Emergency Room. But, that's just my opinion after working on the Ambulance Service for several years and in the medical field briefly. However, I'm not a doctor. So this is all my opinion. Regardless, grandma headed for the doctor's office for her 2:30 appointment on Tuesday. She told them she was having chest pain, radiating down both arms and into her neck with accompanied nausea, shortness of breath and apparently she'd been burping too.
Now, everything but the burping are textbook symptoms for the perfect heart attack. Her doctor ran an EKG and didn't see any abnormalities (although her blood pressure was high for her) but decided to send her for bloodwork. Which wasn't ordered stat. He also told her to take Mylanta and rest.
I talked to her Tuesday night and she sounded terrible. I told her that I would come pick her up and take her to the hospital, but she said the doctor told her that his office would call with the results, so she'd just wait. Understanding her stubbornness, I surrendered and told her to call me if the pain got any worse.
Wednesday morning, I called her and she sounded better, but still not great. She said she was still having pain and the doctor's office hadn't called yet with the test results. I called my boss, told her that I would be out for a few hours, left Chas at home with an older friend whose parents live down the street and headed to pick up my grandma and take her to the ER. At that point, my mom wasn't able to leave work, since her boss was due to leave on a business trip that afternoon.
So, I rush to my grandma's house, get her in the car and head for the hospital. We get checked in and they got her back immediately, of course, since she was having chest pain. They hooked her up to the EKG machine, asked her about 2,000,000 questions and retrieved her blood work results from the night before.
Even though I knew from a clinical perspective exactly what was going on, since I was the relative (and the only one there at this point)... the emotional side of me wasn't in touch with the reality of what was happening.
The doctor did several exams on her and came back to inform us that "she's had a heart attack." He went on to explain that she'd need to go to the Heart Hospital to have some tests (which translated to a Heart Catheterization) in order to determine where the blockage(s) are and how to fix them.
Now, at this point, I was in a little bit of shock and a little bit of reality. In my mind, we'd make an appointment with a Cardiologist this week, do more testing, schedule the heart cath, get some stints and go on with life.
So, innocently, I asked "ok, so when will we need to do this?"
The doctor replied, "right now. she's going by ambulance and you can meet her there."
I tried so hard to hold the tears back, because I didn't want my grandma to see me upset or scared about this situation and cause her to be more upset, but they just flowed. I grabbed Kleenexes for both of us and as they started getting her ready to be transferred, I stepped out of the room and walked down the hall to gather my thoughts, get myself re-composed and call my mom.
I gave myself the "it's going to be ok. Dry it up buttercup" pep talk and dialed my mom's work number.
That was the end of the tears, and so far, they haven't been back; at least not in front of anyone.
My mom doesn't handle stress well. At all. So, in order to keep my mom in check and under control as much as possible, I have to maintain my composure.
Must.Remove.All.Emotion.
Must.Remove.All.Emotion.
..so far so good.
So, I tell my mom that Grandma has had a heart attack and is being transported to Carmel's St. Vincent Heart Hospital by Ambulance. Within the next 15 minutes.
We arrive at the heart hospital, get checked in and head up to our room. They get her hooked up to the machines and one of the doctors comes in to chat with her. The doctor informed us that my grandma was still having a heart attack. At this point, her heart had not yet corrected itself and damage was being done as we speak, just not sure how much at that point.
They got her sedated and into the Cath Lab pretty quickly. It took about an hour and a half for the Cardiologist to come out and let us know what was going on but he finally let us know that he wasn't able to do any stints or balloons. She has 3 major blockages at >90% blocked and will need open heart surgery in the form of a triple bypass. And soon.
But in the meantime, she had some suspicion of internal G.I. bleeding (possibly ulcer related) that needed to be figured out before they could complete the bypass.
So yesterday, she had an upper G.I.scope and found no active bleeding, followed by today's colonoscopy with no active bleeding. So she was released for the open heart surgery. We didn't get a chance to see the Surgeon today, but will hopefully meet with him tomorrow to understand how soon we will be doing surgery. I anticipate that it will be Monday.
Helping take care of her after her surgery is another piece that we will have to make decisions about; whether it is rotating family care or putting her in a rehab facility for a couple of weeks.
In the meantime, we have my grandpa (her husband) who had a stroke several years ago and has cancer that cannot be further treated... so he's unable to drive and doesn't think completely straight all the time. He and my grandma live together, and for the most part, grandma takes care of him.
So now what do we do with Grandpa?
So far, he's doing really well with everything. He's not a total invalid, he gets around just fine and if you met him on the street, you probably wouldn't know he has any kind of health issues; but the reality is ... he does. And we cannot forget that.
There are a lot of decisions that will need to be made in the coming days. My mom is my grandparents' only living child. And I, the oldest grandchild (and only granddaughter). I have a cousin that is a couple of years younger than me, but he has a very hectic work schedule so probably won't be available to help out a ton.
But he's willing.
...and my mom doesn't handle stress well, remember?
So... I guess this situation is certainly preparing me for any kind of care needs that my mom may have some day, since I too, am an only child and will be left taking care of her on my own.
I won't lie. I obviously haven't slept well. And have only remembered to eat once each day. Seems my mind is wandering into other places. Remember that hug I needed? A sign of weakness or a human need? I'm not real sure. For now, I continue to "maintain" the best I can and continue to lead my normal life of work, children and extracurricular activities like I always do, while another part of my world completely stopped spinning and began rotating in the opposite direction as I picked up two more responsibilities since Tuesday... Grandma and Grandpa.
I've already decided that if the need arises and my grandma will agree to stay with me during her recovery, I will take on that responsibility. Not only for logistical purposes (the fact that I can work from home, my kids can maintain normalcy at home, etc) but also for love. Is there any greater love than that which my grandma has shown me all these years?
The reality is, regardless of Grandma's recovery from this heart situation, she isn't going to live forever. And at 75 years old, while still young, she is knocking on some of the final decades of her life. What an honor it would be for me to spend that time with her returning the favor that she gave me in the 31 years that I've been in her life.
Until then, I'll be playin' it cool... all "tough-girl"... seeming to not be phased by what's going on. Don't let me fool you. Your prayers for continued strength for me to exhibit for my family, healing for my grandma, and wisdom for the medical professionals that are responsible for her care would be greatly appreciated.
Anyway - the last couple of days have been nothing less than a total whirlwind, leaving me sitting here at home on a Thursday evening hungry for a good night's sleep and a deep, meaningfull, heartfelt hug; you know, the kind that lets a person know they don't have to be strong all the time.
Monday evening, my grandma starting having some chest pains. I didn't know anything about it at this point, but by Tuesday morning, she called her family doctor for an appointment. Now, in my opinion, when the Dr's office heard the words "chest pain" they should have insisted she go to the Emergency Room. But, that's just my opinion after working on the Ambulance Service for several years and in the medical field briefly. However, I'm not a doctor. So this is all my opinion. Regardless, grandma headed for the doctor's office for her 2:30 appointment on Tuesday. She told them she was having chest pain, radiating down both arms and into her neck with accompanied nausea, shortness of breath and apparently she'd been burping too.
Now, everything but the burping are textbook symptoms for the perfect heart attack. Her doctor ran an EKG and didn't see any abnormalities (although her blood pressure was high for her) but decided to send her for bloodwork. Which wasn't ordered stat. He also told her to take Mylanta and rest.
I talked to her Tuesday night and she sounded terrible. I told her that I would come pick her up and take her to the hospital, but she said the doctor told her that his office would call with the results, so she'd just wait. Understanding her stubbornness, I surrendered and told her to call me if the pain got any worse.
Wednesday morning, I called her and she sounded better, but still not great. She said she was still having pain and the doctor's office hadn't called yet with the test results. I called my boss, told her that I would be out for a few hours, left Chas at home with an older friend whose parents live down the street and headed to pick up my grandma and take her to the ER. At that point, my mom wasn't able to leave work, since her boss was due to leave on a business trip that afternoon.
So, I rush to my grandma's house, get her in the car and head for the hospital. We get checked in and they got her back immediately, of course, since she was having chest pain. They hooked her up to the EKG machine, asked her about 2,000,000 questions and retrieved her blood work results from the night before.
Even though I knew from a clinical perspective exactly what was going on, since I was the relative (and the only one there at this point)... the emotional side of me wasn't in touch with the reality of what was happening.
The doctor did several exams on her and came back to inform us that "she's had a heart attack." He went on to explain that she'd need to go to the Heart Hospital to have some tests (which translated to a Heart Catheterization) in order to determine where the blockage(s) are and how to fix them.
Now, at this point, I was in a little bit of shock and a little bit of reality. In my mind, we'd make an appointment with a Cardiologist this week, do more testing, schedule the heart cath, get some stints and go on with life.
So, innocently, I asked "ok, so when will we need to do this?"
The doctor replied, "right now. she's going by ambulance and you can meet her there."
I tried so hard to hold the tears back, because I didn't want my grandma to see me upset or scared about this situation and cause her to be more upset, but they just flowed. I grabbed Kleenexes for both of us and as they started getting her ready to be transferred, I stepped out of the room and walked down the hall to gather my thoughts, get myself re-composed and call my mom.
I gave myself the "it's going to be ok. Dry it up buttercup" pep talk and dialed my mom's work number.
That was the end of the tears, and so far, they haven't been back; at least not in front of anyone.
My mom doesn't handle stress well. At all. So, in order to keep my mom in check and under control as much as possible, I have to maintain my composure.
Must.Remove.All.Emotion.
Must.Remove.All.Emotion.
..so far so good.
So, I tell my mom that Grandma has had a heart attack and is being transported to Carmel's St. Vincent Heart Hospital by Ambulance. Within the next 15 minutes.
We arrive at the heart hospital, get checked in and head up to our room. They get her hooked up to the machines and one of the doctors comes in to chat with her. The doctor informed us that my grandma was still having a heart attack. At this point, her heart had not yet corrected itself and damage was being done as we speak, just not sure how much at that point.
They got her sedated and into the Cath Lab pretty quickly. It took about an hour and a half for the Cardiologist to come out and let us know what was going on but he finally let us know that he wasn't able to do any stints or balloons. She has 3 major blockages at >90% blocked and will need open heart surgery in the form of a triple bypass. And soon.
But in the meantime, she had some suspicion of internal G.I. bleeding (possibly ulcer related) that needed to be figured out before they could complete the bypass.
So yesterday, she had an upper G.I.scope and found no active bleeding, followed by today's colonoscopy with no active bleeding. So she was released for the open heart surgery. We didn't get a chance to see the Surgeon today, but will hopefully meet with him tomorrow to understand how soon we will be doing surgery. I anticipate that it will be Monday.
Helping take care of her after her surgery is another piece that we will have to make decisions about; whether it is rotating family care or putting her in a rehab facility for a couple of weeks.
In the meantime, we have my grandpa (her husband) who had a stroke several years ago and has cancer that cannot be further treated... so he's unable to drive and doesn't think completely straight all the time. He and my grandma live together, and for the most part, grandma takes care of him.
So now what do we do with Grandpa?
So far, he's doing really well with everything. He's not a total invalid, he gets around just fine and if you met him on the street, you probably wouldn't know he has any kind of health issues; but the reality is ... he does. And we cannot forget that.
There are a lot of decisions that will need to be made in the coming days. My mom is my grandparents' only living child. And I, the oldest grandchild (and only granddaughter). I have a cousin that is a couple of years younger than me, but he has a very hectic work schedule so probably won't be available to help out a ton.
But he's willing.
...and my mom doesn't handle stress well, remember?
So... I guess this situation is certainly preparing me for any kind of care needs that my mom may have some day, since I too, am an only child and will be left taking care of her on my own.
I won't lie. I obviously haven't slept well. And have only remembered to eat once each day. Seems my mind is wandering into other places. Remember that hug I needed? A sign of weakness or a human need? I'm not real sure. For now, I continue to "maintain" the best I can and continue to lead my normal life of work, children and extracurricular activities like I always do, while another part of my world completely stopped spinning and began rotating in the opposite direction as I picked up two more responsibilities since Tuesday... Grandma and Grandpa.
I've already decided that if the need arises and my grandma will agree to stay with me during her recovery, I will take on that responsibility. Not only for logistical purposes (the fact that I can work from home, my kids can maintain normalcy at home, etc) but also for love. Is there any greater love than that which my grandma has shown me all these years?
The reality is, regardless of Grandma's recovery from this heart situation, she isn't going to live forever. And at 75 years old, while still young, she is knocking on some of the final decades of her life. What an honor it would be for me to spend that time with her returning the favor that she gave me in the 31 years that I've been in her life.
Until then, I'll be playin' it cool... all "tough-girl"... seeming to not be phased by what's going on. Don't let me fool you. Your prayers for continued strength for me to exhibit for my family, healing for my grandma, and wisdom for the medical professionals that are responsible for her care would be greatly appreciated.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Try It Before You Buy It
I'm typically one of those people that tends to err on the side of caution before making any major purchases. Rarely do I make a split second decision, especially when it comes to spending money.
So, I've recently been intrigued by The North Face jackets. A couple of my friends own them and despite the fact that they are way overpriced for what I would pay for almost anything... I didn't really know much of anything else about them.
So, I started casually talking to my the people that own them, asking if they like them, etc. I just needed to fully understand the concept of spending that much money... on a jacket. Everyone said it was worth the money. Well, worth the money to one person may not be the same as me. One of my friends even commented that her husband gave her permission recently to buy another one because he knows she gets her money's worth out of it. Hmm... that got me thinking.
Now, because I'm very self conscious of "the girls" (if you know what I mean)... i tend to wear a lot of hoody-jackets over my clothes to hide them... as much as possible. Here lately with the cold weather, I'm wearing the jackets/hoodies more often; especially as it's not cold enough yet for a full winter coat, but still brisk.
This past weekend, Chas had an evening football game when it was supposed to be pretty cold. I figured it would be a good time to "test drive" one of my friend's North Face coats to see if it was worth the money. So, I asked to borrow one for the weekend and headed to the game, no longer a North Face Virgin.
Yea, I went there.
Anyway...
I sat there, cozied up in the jacket, a scarf and my hat and stayed warm the entire time.
I have to admit... I was almost completely sold.
So, I kept the jacket for a couple more days... I mean... if I"m going to drop $100+ on a 'jacket'... i better do everything but shower in it.
The jacket and I really became close over the last few days. We hung out a lot. I was able to depend on the jacket to keep me at the appropriate temperature, no matter what the weather.
By Sunday...
I was sold.
So, I went and bought one myself. I had a couple of photo shoots last week; enough to use that extra money to pay for the jacket and not even miss the expense. I still cannot believe I spent that much on a jacket. And further, cannot believe I didn't buy it on clearance. I rarely pay full price for anything, so I'm still trying to tame the nervous twitches that I've been experiencing since I faced the fact that I actually bought a North Face Jacket.
There is a strong possibility, that the next time you see me... I will be wearing it.
Don't judge.
So, I've recently been intrigued by The North Face jackets. A couple of my friends own them and despite the fact that they are way overpriced for what I would pay for almost anything... I didn't really know much of anything else about them.
So, I started casually talking to my the people that own them, asking if they like them, etc. I just needed to fully understand the concept of spending that much money... on a jacket. Everyone said it was worth the money. Well, worth the money to one person may not be the same as me. One of my friends even commented that her husband gave her permission recently to buy another one because he knows she gets her money's worth out of it. Hmm... that got me thinking.
Now, because I'm very self conscious of "the girls" (if you know what I mean)... i tend to wear a lot of hoody-jackets over my clothes to hide them... as much as possible. Here lately with the cold weather, I'm wearing the jackets/hoodies more often; especially as it's not cold enough yet for a full winter coat, but still brisk.
This past weekend, Chas had an evening football game when it was supposed to be pretty cold. I figured it would be a good time to "test drive" one of my friend's North Face coats to see if it was worth the money. So, I asked to borrow one for the weekend and headed to the game, no longer a North Face Virgin.
Yea, I went there.
Anyway...
I sat there, cozied up in the jacket, a scarf and my hat and stayed warm the entire time.
I have to admit... I was almost completely sold.
So, I kept the jacket for a couple more days... I mean... if I"m going to drop $100+ on a 'jacket'... i better do everything but shower in it.
The jacket and I really became close over the last few days. We hung out a lot. I was able to depend on the jacket to keep me at the appropriate temperature, no matter what the weather.
By Sunday...
I was sold.
So, I went and bought one myself. I had a couple of photo shoots last week; enough to use that extra money to pay for the jacket and not even miss the expense. I still cannot believe I spent that much on a jacket. And further, cannot believe I didn't buy it on clearance. I rarely pay full price for anything, so I'm still trying to tame the nervous twitches that I've been experiencing since I faced the fact that I actually bought a North Face Jacket.
There is a strong possibility, that the next time you see me... I will be wearing it.
Don't judge.
The Weekend
This weekend was a busy weekend, but a good one, nonetheless. Friday evening, the kids and I picked Joe's son up from his parents' house and headed to Conner Prairie to meet him after work and spend the evening at the fall events on the prairie. We spent a couple of hours there walking around, riding on the headless horseman wagon ride, making smores, watching some science experiments, etc. The weather was great and the company was even better.
Saturday morning, I got up pretty early and got Bek packed for camping with her Aunt. Chas had a football game at noon and the 80's Ladies and I had planned a surprise baby shower for Jenny at 2... so needless to say, my morning was spent running my children to their destinations and heading to Fishers to pick up the cake and a few other items to help Allison prepare for Jenny's shower. The guest of honor arrived and we all enjoyed catching up on everything, eating some yummy veggies and fruit... and of course large pieces of cake. We also got our Christmas Exchange planning started and are looking forward to getting ready for that in just over a month!!
After all the morning and early afternoon festivities, I met a sweet family in the park and spent about an hour photographing their family then headed home to shower. I ended up spending the evening with Joe and his little boy watching a movie and eating pizza.
Sunday, I taught the kiddies at church and then headed home to get some cleaning done, as my house desperately needed it. I met another dear family at Mounds State Park for family pictures yesterday afternoon, which turned out really well. It's so pretty back in the woods... it made me want to pack up the kids and take a nice little nature walk.
But no.
That would not be possible as my sweet, intelligent, charming and almost perfect son forgot about a project that is due on Tuesday.
Yes, tomorrow.
And he has a late game tonight in Fishers.
So guess what Sunday evening turned into? You guessed it! A mad rush of completing said project before bedtime. Talk about frustrating.
Tonight, I'm off to parent teacher conferences for both kids, then headed to Fisher's to the Football game. This is the last week of football and so i'm trying to be a good sport (pun fully intended there)... however it's becoming difficult with the homework and games. I have to remind myself often about how much I will miss this someday.
In an upcoming blog, I will be discussing The North Face jackets.
...stay tuned.
Saturday morning, I got up pretty early and got Bek packed for camping with her Aunt. Chas had a football game at noon and the 80's Ladies and I had planned a surprise baby shower for Jenny at 2... so needless to say, my morning was spent running my children to their destinations and heading to Fishers to pick up the cake and a few other items to help Allison prepare for Jenny's shower. The guest of honor arrived and we all enjoyed catching up on everything, eating some yummy veggies and fruit... and of course large pieces of cake. We also got our Christmas Exchange planning started and are looking forward to getting ready for that in just over a month!!
After all the morning and early afternoon festivities, I met a sweet family in the park and spent about an hour photographing their family then headed home to shower. I ended up spending the evening with Joe and his little boy watching a movie and eating pizza.
Sunday, I taught the kiddies at church and then headed home to get some cleaning done, as my house desperately needed it. I met another dear family at Mounds State Park for family pictures yesterday afternoon, which turned out really well. It's so pretty back in the woods... it made me want to pack up the kids and take a nice little nature walk.
But no.
That would not be possible as my sweet, intelligent, charming and almost perfect son forgot about a project that is due on Tuesday.
Yes, tomorrow.
And he has a late game tonight in Fishers.
So guess what Sunday evening turned into? You guessed it! A mad rush of completing said project before bedtime. Talk about frustrating.
Tonight, I'm off to parent teacher conferences for both kids, then headed to Fisher's to the Football game. This is the last week of football and so i'm trying to be a good sport (pun fully intended there)... however it's becoming difficult with the homework and games. I have to remind myself often about how much I will miss this someday.
In an upcoming blog, I will be discussing The North Face jackets.
...stay tuned.
Friday, October 21, 2011
It was Time
I took the day off today to dspend with my girl on a Field Trip to Minnetrista in Muncie. After the field trip, I decided that it was time to have my car cleaned out. And when I say "cleaned out" ... I mean, by someone that is not me professionals. I'd hauled a bale of straw to my house a few weeks ago and still had remnants of it on the floor boards of my car. Mix that with some spilled chips from the other night's football game and you have... well... my car.
So, I decided to take it to Bob's Car Wash and get "Full Service" for $18. Yes, I could've saved the $18 and used the little hose thing to vacuum the floors, but by the time I got the car cleaned out enough to take it to the Full Service place... I just wasn't in the mood.
Yes, I said cleaned out enough to take it to the Full Service.
Is that bad?
... that I had to clean out my car in order to get it cleaned out?
To those of you that know and love me, that statement won't surprise you in the least. Most likely, you're feeling a range of emotions from disgust, empathy, amusement, sadness and wonder.
Believe me.
I feel the same way.
How can I manage to raise two half-way-normal children, yet never ever ever manage to keep my car in an acceptable condition? I cannot answer that either.
But I feel your pain. As I was spending a good five to ten minutes pre-cleaning my car, I was shaking my head at myself, wondering HOW this happens!? I try so, so hard!!
But I'm good at other things, right?
Surely I can score some points there?!?
So, I take her to the car wash and get in the little conveyor belt thing and ride through the car wash. At the end, they motion for me to pull over to the full service area. I exit my car and try to keep my 'cool' composure about the crap all over the floor.
...almost as though I didn't realize it was there until JUST THEN. I made a comment like, "Do you want me to get all that stuff out, or just put it on the seat?"
I'm pretty sure the guy said he'd put it all in the back.
I didn't have the heart to tell him the back was nearly full. Surely they'd seen something as obnoxious as this before.
Doesn't everyone have:
-folding chairs, blankets and pom-poms for football games.
-books and baby dolls to keep the little sister occupied during said football games
-books to keep the mom occupied whilst waiting for said football games.
-trucks that the football player transports from pappaws to daddy's and back to my house
-a box of capri suns because ... well ... you just never know, ok?
You get the drift.
There was a lot of stuff.
Now, I am not in any position to judge, but I have to set the stage here.
The people that were waiting to clean out my car... God love them.... they humbled me.
I'm sitting there, a woman with a good job, a pretty nice car, etc - and I pull in, after paying $18 for someone else to do something for me that I can clearly do... and these people are there to clean up my mess.
I don't know their story. We all have one, and theirs, I do not know. However... they seemed to be people that took a lot of pride in their work and were probably just thankful to have a job; period.
I watched through the mirrored glass as they efficiently cleaned out my car. Treating it as if it was their own vehicle that needed cleaned. And I thought about the fact that I think sometimes, well - probably more than sometimes, I take my blessings for granted.
It was a HUGE eye opener for me; primarily because I am so thankful for everything that I have, but sometimes I may not appreciate it as much as I should. And additionally because, no matter how much those people cleaning my car make per hour, they were just happy to have a job. Shouldn't we all be that way?
So, I decided to take it to Bob's Car Wash and get "Full Service" for $18. Yes, I could've saved the $18 and used the little hose thing to vacuum the floors, but by the time I got the car cleaned out enough to take it to the Full Service place... I just wasn't in the mood.
Yes, I said cleaned out enough to take it to the Full Service.
Is that bad?
... that I had to clean out my car in order to get it cleaned out?
To those of you that know and love me, that statement won't surprise you in the least. Most likely, you're feeling a range of emotions from disgust, empathy, amusement, sadness and wonder.
Believe me.
I feel the same way.
How can I manage to raise two half-way-normal children, yet never ever ever manage to keep my car in an acceptable condition? I cannot answer that either.
But I feel your pain. As I was spending a good five to ten minutes pre-cleaning my car, I was shaking my head at myself, wondering HOW this happens!? I try so, so hard!!
But I'm good at other things, right?
Surely I can score some points there?!?
So, I take her to the car wash and get in the little conveyor belt thing and ride through the car wash. At the end, they motion for me to pull over to the full service area. I exit my car and try to keep my 'cool' composure about the crap all over the floor.
...almost as though I didn't realize it was there until JUST THEN. I made a comment like, "Do you want me to get all that stuff out, or just put it on the seat?"
I'm pretty sure the guy said he'd put it all in the back.
I didn't have the heart to tell him the back was nearly full. Surely they'd seen something as obnoxious as this before.
Doesn't everyone have:
-folding chairs, blankets and pom-poms for football games.
-books and baby dolls to keep the little sister occupied during said football games
-books to keep the mom occupied whilst waiting for said football games.
-trucks that the football player transports from pappaws to daddy's and back to my house
-a box of capri suns because ... well ... you just never know, ok?
You get the drift.
There was a lot of stuff.
Now, I am not in any position to judge, but I have to set the stage here.
The people that were waiting to clean out my car... God love them.... they humbled me.
I'm sitting there, a woman with a good job, a pretty nice car, etc - and I pull in, after paying $18 for someone else to do something for me that I can clearly do... and these people are there to clean up my mess.
I don't know their story. We all have one, and theirs, I do not know. However... they seemed to be people that took a lot of pride in their work and were probably just thankful to have a job; period.
I watched through the mirrored glass as they efficiently cleaned out my car. Treating it as if it was their own vehicle that needed cleaned. And I thought about the fact that I think sometimes, well - probably more than sometimes, I take my blessings for granted.
It was a HUGE eye opener for me; primarily because I am so thankful for everything that I have, but sometimes I may not appreciate it as much as I should. And additionally because, no matter how much those people cleaning my car make per hour, they were just happy to have a job. Shouldn't we all be that way?
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