Finish What You Start

Seasoned Parent [noun, perhaps a proper noun (?): having been through many years of parenting trials and tribulations causing, at times, hair pulling and graying effects.]


Before I became a more "seasoned" parent, I used to think that a child's achievements and behavior were a clear indication of a parent's due diligence.


When Chas was a baby, although he didn't walk until his very first birthday, I was just sure he was going to be the smartest kid in the world.  He was very interactive, knew a lot at an early age, held full conversations, etc etc.  He went to Kindergarten at the top of the class, did a great job at everything he tried - excelled in sports, earned awards at school for his academic achievements, spouted off random facts about anything, asked for his "dream" vacation to our Nation's Capital, etc.  He was my first child, and i'm pretty sure he was almost perfect.

Bek however, walked at 9 months old, fully potty trained by the time she was 2, had to attend speech therapy because she wouldn't talk; only grunt... and within 6 months, talked so much I couldn't get her to stop!  Now she whines like it's her job, is scared of her own shadow and can't do much without me by her side.  She does well in school, enjoys hanging out with friends and is overall, pretty normal.


But then they started growing up and developing their personalities.  Bekah is a people-pleaser.  And that scares me to DEATH.  Always trying to make people happy.


Chaston is a leader.  Knows everything, has a comment for everything, tries to be funny and always finishes what he starts.


Well, except for picking up after himself.  Although, in his defense, he never 'tries' to pick up after himself, so he never really starts the process either.  HA.


Last week, he certainly finished what he started and it almost lead me to start calling around to see if they offer adoption for pre-teens, because he might need a different set of parents.  (JK, i love him).


I got a call from the school that started with, "Hi, this is Mr. So-and-So and I want to start off by saying that Chas is ok".


My first thought was... "I can tell by the tone of this conversation that he may be "ok" right now.. but after school... I"m gonna kill him!"


The assistant principal went on to tell me that Chas was involved in a fight in school and suspension was involved.


&^*#$&*@(!&#*@(&$*@(  


MY KID!?


Suspended?!!?


What will people think?
What the HELL was he thinking?
I'm going to beat him!
What have I done wrong!?


After I took a few deep breaths and calmed down, he told me the story.  Which didn't make it any better, but did make me at least feel like he wasn't walking around bullying people.


So, apparently this other student called Chas a name.  So, in a normal almost 12 year old boy fashion, he went ahead and called the kid a name back.


So it was over.


Then, they all started to play football at recess and the same kid tripped Chas.


So, Chas had it at that point, he got up and ran over and pushed the kid down.  Apparently there wasn't any punching, but a teacher had to break the two boys up and they went to the office.  


Chas received 1 day of in-school suspension and the other kid got 2 days for starting the fight, both times.


But seriously.


My son is lucky that I had time to cool down between the phone call and him coming home.  And because I"m not exactly a parenting pro, I wasn't quite sure how to handle it.  I decided I was not going to lay into him screaming like a fool.


He knew he messed up.
He was getting punished at school.


...and solving his violent act with my own violence probably woudln't set a very good example.


So, we handled it the best we could at home; Joe and I tried talking to him about self-control and being the bigger person.  Not always having to get people back and make them "pay".  I also touched on the long-term affects of quick-thinking decisions that cause bodily harm... it can take you down a road you don't want to go.


...and i might have mentioned that if he's in prison for battery, i"m not putting money on his commissary.


Probably a little harsh, but seriously.


SO, the next morning, I dropped him off at school and told him (cheerily) to have a GREAT day!!!!!


...sitting in the office next to the kid that he got in trouble with.


Ugh.


Parenting is tough.


Our kids start out as these perfect little babies.  Then they grow into independent toddlers.  Then cute elementary school kiddos with a slight attitude and innocence that is beyond charming.


...and then...


puberty begins.


They start to smell.


They know more than you.


They make immature decisions and you can only get through their heads on a good day.


And they smell.... even more than the first time I told you.




I fell in love with that boy almost 12 years ago.  And, if I weren't his mother, loving him would be difficult, but somehow through the messes that he leaves in his path, the smart mouth, the friggen in-school suspension, the weird actions and large furry head of hair.... I still love that boy.  Those brown eyes and cute grin still melts my heart... 


... on a good day.