The Best Gift

It's been 9 months since I had a chance to sit and talk with my Grandma.  And although I've gotten better about dealing with it, it still isn't easy.

My birthday was hard.  The week leading up to it, I was really struggling, anticipating my birthday and thinking back on how my mom, just 32 years prior spent that week at home with her mom, my grandma, preparing for my birth.

I can only imagine how my Grandma felt that week, "being there" for my young mom waiting for her to give birth to a child that wasn't planned and didn't really "have" a dad.

Then, I guess a big storm came, trees were down everywhere, lightening, thunder, and my mom and Grandma driving to the hospital in the wee-hours of the morning on August 12th as I made my way into this world.  If you would've heard my Grandma tell the story, you'd realize how much she loved me even before I was born, and despite the circumstances.  I am so thankful that she was there for my mom during that time; and supported her no matter what.

Through that situation, my Grandma's first grandchild was born, and what would turn out to be her only granddaughter.  A little girl that inherited her olive skin tone, green eyes, sometimes crazy attitude and love of all things creative.

So, realizing that I wouldn't get a birthday card from her this year was really hard.

And I hadn't said anything to anyone about it, because quite frankly let's be honest... it's been almost a year, I should probably be over it by now.

***

Rewind to just after Spring Break.

I like  to keep my Grandma's grave "decorated" because I know that's what she would love.  She'd tell me that I don't have to do it, I have a family to take care of ,etc etc.  But then, when I show up with something new she'd say "oh Ginnnn-nnny... that's purrrrdy!"

So, I do it.

I'd taken some flowers out there for Mother's Day, and found a nice little blue (her birthstone) solar ball to hang from the Shepherd's hook and a nice solar cardinal bird to stick in the ground.  She loved birds, so on her funeral stuff, we had cardinals.  Sometimes, I see a cardinal in the backyard and i swear it's her.

About 2 weeks after I took the solar stuff out there, someone stole it. 

I was so upset.

I decided I wasn't going to take another one out there because it was kinda pricey, and ... judging by the fact that my Grandma KNEW who did it... I'm pretty sure she'll take care of getting even.

Although on second thought, everything is roses and rainbows in heaven, so maybe she won't.

But either way, Grandma knew who did that.

So, I just let it go.  I drove around the houses nearby where the cemetary is and didn't see it, so that was the end of the solar ball.

Fast forward to my birthday gift from Joe.

Apparently, he'd been struggling with what to get me, despite my direction for him to not purchase me anything.  We'd driven separately to dinner, so when I got back home, on the fireplace was a blue gazing solar ball and a little red cardinal.

Fighting back the tears was impossible.  I tried, and gave up.

What a thoughtful thing for him to get me.  He told me we could find a special place in the yard to put the stuff that would remind me of my Grandma, and I wouldn't have to worry about it getting stolen.

Despite the fact that we had a rough week last week... and will undoubtedly have rough weeks in the future, that simple birthday gesture made me realize how much he does care about me.  Although he didn't know how much i was struggling with not having my Grandma for my birthday this year, he knows how much I miss her and was so thankful for his gift. 

What a special first birthday without her here.