With the unseasonably warmer weather, this weekend I was forced to mow my yard.  I set the mower on a higher setting, just to even the spots in the grass up, and then plan to mow it a little nicer sometime this week.


Just as in the past, I got ready to start my little push mower and realized that I was almost out of gas.  And as history has repeated itself, I checked the gas can and it was dry.  What did I expect for the first "yard mowing" of the year?


One thing was different this year, and it's been a lot harder to process than before.


I couldn't call my Grandma and ask if she'd run some  gas out to my house.


In the past, she'd always stop by in the warm weather, help me clean up the old plants from last year, pull some weeds here and there, bring me some extra gas for my mower, since they had nothing else to do, that was always her thing.


But I guess I have to adjust to the change this year.  There is no Grandma.


Since she passed away last fall, I thought I'd have a harder time dealing with it as the realization set in, but I guess I was so busy with Thanksgiving and Christmas and then Bekah's birthday, that I didn't have a lot of time to think about being sad.


Now, the windows are open, the sun is shining, the flowers are blooming and her car should be pulling in my driveway any minute to say hi.


But it's not going to happen.

And I'm having a really, really hard time lately accepting that.  As I mowed my yard the other day, all I could think about was her, and how she'll never be able to come over to my house anymore.


For some reason, here lately life just isn't the same without her.  My Grandpa stops by sometimes, alone and when he leaves, I just feel so bad for him because he is all alone.  I cannot even imagine, but he seems to be handling it well.


Not sure why I'm not, but I suppose I'll learn to accept it here soon and be able to just be happy for the memories and not sad that I can't make any more with her.

"Ah-ha!" Moments

If you were to go to a restaurant and order something off the menu that was similar to who I am, you'd probably order the following:


A platter of 'creativity', with one side of 'intellect' and another side of  thick 'quirky-ness'.  It would most likely be covered in a gravy-like amount of 'randomness' and a dusting of 'humor'.


Later, you might get a little bit of 'hot-head temper' for dessert.  But only if you're brave enough to try it.


It would most likely arrive on a plate that is covered to contain the contents.  Open up the lid and everything comes busting out as if there was no organization to the presentation of the platter.


Yep, that would be me.


Love it or leave it.




I have these things in my work (and more recently) my school life that I call "Ah-ha! Moments".  Maybe you can relate; it's that moment when you finally "get it".  Whatever it is you are supposed to "get"... you just "got".


For me, at work - often it's finally understanding what my role is on a project team.  I understand the deliverables, I understand where the project needs to go, but I'm not completely sure what 'you' want from me. 


Finally, it's as though the clouds parted, the angels began to sing halleluja and i finally 'get it'.


Same with school work.  Love Econ, because I 'get it' fairly easily. I'm learning that i really love philosophy because again, i 'get it'.   Geology is just plain stupid; there are no 'Ah-ha" moments and I don't plan on having any.


But Web Design...


I took that class this semester because i thought it would be right up my creative boulevard.


WRONG.


WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG.


Humbly, i admit, i was wrong.


And it's so dumb, because it's not hard.  I just simply "don't get it".


Luckily, a friend from high school took the class 2 years ago and "aced" it, so i've been leveraging his help to get me through.


But it's so dang frustrating!  I just want to have that "ah-ha!" moment, because i know that if i "got it" it would be something that would probably be very beneficial, especially as it relates to movement laterally within my career.


But I don't see that happening.


I also don't see much of a future for me in web design.


Although I don't rank web design as far down on my "shit i hope i never have to relive" list like I've ranked "Caves"  (HAHAH!)... i am pretty certain it's on the list somewhere.  


...most likely in that gray area where it is categorized as "shit I hope i never have to relive unless my job depends on it and then i'll re-learn it."


Sorry for the language, i just really hate when i don't understand something. 


Huge, huge scar to my delicate little pride.


At any rate, even though I am positive, with the help of my friend, i WILL get an A in the class, I am strongly suggesting that if you need help designing your own web page...




...don't call me.

Rewind

I'd like to set the clock back to maybe, last weekend - because I feel really cheated on the past week or so of time.




Last Friday night, when Chas was with his dad, I got a text that he had a fever of 101.3.  His dad was handling it and treating the symptoms.  No problem.


He carried a fever all weekend, at one point getting up to 103.9  .  By late Sunday night, his fever had still not broken, so I knew he was going to have to stay home from school on Monday.  That day came and went, and still had a fever, so Tuesday morning, I called his pediatrician.


Her nurse told me that there are a lot of bugs going around, and to just let it run its course for a couple more days.


Sure enough, the fever broke early Tuesday morning, so I sent him to school on Wednesday. He still had a cough, but with the weather, and Doctor's recommendation, I just let it go.  I dropped his inhaler off at school on Wednesday in case he needed it during the day and that was that.


He went to school Thursday too, but came home Thursday night looking clammy and saying he was having trouble taking full breaths. 


Bek needed to get to swim lessons that night, so thankfully her friend Kayleigh's mom was able to help me out with all of that while I took Chaston to the E.R.  My co-pay is the same for ER and Urgent Care Centers, so I always opt for the ER, just in case additional intervention is needed, we are already there.


After about 40 minutes in the ER, a breathing treatment and chest x-ray, we were released with a diagnosis of pneumonia, a Z-pak for antibiotics, Mucinex and another inhaler.


Obviously, he stayed home from school again on Friday, but started to feel better as the day progressed.


Friday afternoon, he got in the shower before we were supposed to take my Grandpa out for his birthday dinner and I noticed some odd bumps/welt/rash looking stuff on his back and a bit on the front of his chest.


He said it didn't really bother him, so I told him we'd go to dinner and see if it progressed throughout the evening.  Sure enough, I checked him out after we left dinner and he was covered with these scaly-raised-welts.


Ugh.


So, back to the ER we went, late Friday night to solve the new mystery of the rash.


While there, the doctor told us that the Radiologist read his x-ray from the night before and found pneumonia in both lungs.  


So, so awesome - especially at the direction of his doctor's office to "wait it out".  


Ugh.


In the meantime, the rash was an allergic reaction to Z-pak.  Which, as you know, is not cool, since z-pak is used to treat so many different kinds of infections.  We were told to discontinue use of the Z-pak and start Biaxin Saturday morning.


By this afternoon, his welts were not as raised anymore, but his back and front still looked shameful.  I'm hoping the Benedryl will help the reaction subside and the new antibiotic will kick in and make his life a little better.


All of this.... just in time for ISTEP testing this week.


Is it Friday yet??

Caveman

As many of you know, I did an insane thing this semester and took a full 12 credit hours.

It's going pretty well, overall except for this STUPID Geology Course.

If we've never had a conversation about this before, I'm going to go ahead and let you know that I do not care about Geology.

Maybe I should.

But I don't.

And after taking this ridiculous 100 level Geology class, I'm pretty sure I don't care about it even more now, if there ever was such a thing.

I just got finished writing a "simple" paper about caves.  I didn't care about caves to begin with, but after learning WAY more than the average person knows about caves, I care even less now.

Just to really drill this point home I will explain why I do not give a CRAP about caves.

1.) There is nothing about actively dissolving limestone that makes me want to crawl through the Earth's crust.

2.) I do not care about a Stalactite and a Stalagmite and I certainly don't need to know that they form columns that I would potentially have to crawl around exploring in web dissolving rock.  I will feel like i have missed out if I never come in contact with drapery formations, bacon formations or any other type of calcified cave growth.

3.) Caves are HOLES in the EARTH.  They are not fully supported and therefore could crush your head if they  fell in.  Where do you think the old saying "caved in" came from?  Your head will be "caved in" if you don't stay out of caves!!

If I don't get a decent grade on this crazy cave paper, I'm going to dislike caves (also known as caverns) even more!